Episode Transcript
<p><!--block--> Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nooks. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and we've got quite the intro today. I wanna start first and foremost by addressing what I'm wearing. If you're not watching, I decided to wear, in honor of our guest, who we'll, we'll get to the part where she's a Walmart fashionista, I wore Target rival brand clothing. I wore my shirt from Target. It was the you know, closest thing to Walmart that I had in honor of our guest who, like I said, we'll get into the Walmart fashionista. So I got my Target shirt on. It's a Western wear, so pretty excited for that. And then I'm very excited and honored to be hosting this episode because our guest, if things had gone to the left or the right just a little bit more would not be here recording with us right now. She would be passed away. So it's really an honor to have this conversation. I think it highlights how chaotic life can be, how many hardships there are unexpectedly, and those chances that you, you just... You know, it, it's gonna be great. It lines up with I'm releasing this on Mother's Day. Maybe you're listening to it any other day, but you know, mothers are to be celebrated year-round. And we're gonna focus on some of the hardships of motherhood and conception. In fact, I just dropped a solo sermon on 1 Samuel 1, Hannah's lamentations over her inability to conceive, and then the child she does have, Samuel. So just dropped that solo sermon. So God has been putting a lot of conception and pregnancy work into my hands right now, so this all lines up perfectly with today's guest who's gonna share a lot of her struggles, hardships, as well as successes and some of the greatness that has came with that. Malyri Ryan here with us. Now, I actually met your husband quite a while ago. He and I podcasted. We did school shooting safety, school shooting prevention, and talking about all the facets that go into that. A great conversation on the reality of what school shootings, domestic violence, targeted violence, and terrorism all come back to, which is mental health. And we'll be talking about mental health a lot today, including military mental health with your service background. So I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself, just a little overview of who you are now, and I want you to take us back to being a very young woman deploying to the Middle East. I, I thought you and I were the same age, and then when I read your bio for Military Creator Con and talked about when you deployed to the Middle East, I was like, "Oh, well, I was, like, not born yet." So- Stop ... I'd love to hear a little bit about that. At first it was a compliment, then I was like, "Oh, you're a grandma. Okay." Yeah. It's wild to think back that far on, like, it wasn't that long ago, but it does feel like a lifetime ago, just, Yeah, I joined the Marine Corps right after high school, and I just wanted to do something different, like something that mattered. And I made it through, so I did six years there. Went overseas like pretty straight on as I got at my unit, and so that was fun and I... That was another one where I just, I didn't wanna sit at my unit the whole time, I wanted to actually do something. So went overseas in Iraq. I was a diesel mechanic in the Marine Corps, and so that was fun. And yeah, fast-forward to getting married. Is that where you're wanting me to go with this? Like- I wanna backtrack a little bit because- Yeah ... for people who don't know you, obviously I've got to spend a little bit of time talking to you, and Malyri Ryan, ladies and gentlemen, is like a girly girl. Like, she is like what you picture classic white girl with the, with the f- the, the- outfits and the, the... Like really, that's like what you... The energy she gives, if you've ever texted her on, on Instagram, like the energy is very girly girl. ... But you're talking about being in the Marines. Out of all the branches, right? You sound like an Air Force girl, but b- the Marines- Yes ... right? You go to the Marines. A diesel mechanic nonetheless. I mean, and this is back when, you know, really military was just getting integrated with men and women still, right? We've seen, even just in the recent years, submarine integration, so it's still a changing process where- Mm ... we're seeing more and more women, not just as active duty, but as veterans sharing their stories. Yeah. So how do you get into something like... Again, you're a woman who does fashionista stuff, right? Right. So how do you get that and then also work on diesel mechanics and, and talk, and be in the Marines? Like, was there a duality of who you are and what you were doing, or is who you are now because of what you were doing? Like, were they existing at the same time, or are you two different people when you look back at your life? Yeah. Well, what's funny is I was working at a clothing store when I decided to join the military. Okay. But it really started out as my manager was in the Air Force. She was making extra money on the weekends in the reserves, like the Air Force. Mm. Maybe it was Air National Guard, I don't remember exactly. But she, It just sparked my interest because the amount of money she was making going to drill weekends was the amount of money we would make in two weeks. And then she was telling me- Right ... about what they did, and I was like, "That's just fascinating that you get to do that and just live this exciting life on the weekend." And so I started looking into it and I thought, "Well, there's the Marine Corps." And I was like, "It's the hardest one. I should just try it and see if I make it." 'Cause I really have the mindset of I'd rather go for the hardest thing and see if I can do it, and if I didn't, at least I tried kinda mind. Mm. Like, I'm more of that type. So joined or well, yeah, went to go talk to a recruiter and they were like, "Well, what do you wanna be? You can be whatever you want." And you know, and true... My husband loves this story. He just thinks it's, like, a- a Malyri tail, but it was like, "You can be whatever you want." I was like, "Do you have flight attendants?" And he just- Like, the room was dead silent, and everyone laughed, like the loudest cackle ever. And they're like everything except for that." And so I, He was like, "You can be a radio," like a, I forget what it was. Like a radio mechanic or a a diesel mechanic. And I was like, "Well, I like, I wanna work on cars. Let's do that," you know? So such a girly time, but- Right ... I think it, it really i- or not a girl. Like, I was, I was such a girly girl trying to join this, the manliest group of ma- men, you know? Right. Right. But yeah. I mean, I, I think it's just at the core of who I am. Like, I always wanna be, do my best and challenge myself and excel. Like, I just, I don't know. I don't know if that's- And if unboxing videos count as blue-collar work, you're s- you've always- Yes ... been a blue-collar worker, and you still are. So I mean, there's manual labor with- There is ... the unboxing videos. You know, you gotta- Yeah ... pick up the box and open it and all that, so. I gotta go out and shop at Walmart, like, you know? Yeah. If you don't make- That's hard work ... your husband do it for you. I've, I've heard you mention that before too. Yeah, no, never. I don't trust his opinion. Can't trust him. Yeah, that's fair. You know, I think it's just so interesting seeing, like, what... So there was no doubt or hesitation in your mind? Like, when you got to boot camp, were you like, "Maybe I made a mistake?" Like, how did you feel throughout the whole process? Especially, like, were you, once you got... 'Cause obviously in boot camp you see a lot of other women, but once you get to wherever- Mm ... your division or unit is, were you, like, the only woman there, or were there other women? Like, how did that process kind of affect you w- as far as, like, what you were thinking and everything? Yeah. Well, I I mean, definitely, like, on the bus going to boot camp, like if, if you've ever seen any of the Marine documentaries, it's all... It's, it's funny because it's exactly what happens in the documentaries. And so the girl next to me was, like, literally shaking, like uncontrollably shaking, and I was just thinking, "I mean, I'm nervous, but I don't, it's people. Like, it's, we're gonna go run. We're gonna, like, pick up heavy stuff. Like, this isn't-" Right. I don't know. It's not something scary necessarily, but def- so in boot camp it was all girls, so my my platoon in boot camp was all women, and we never really intermingled with the guys very much. But then yeah, at my unit I was one of four girls, and by the time I left there was, there had been about six to eight that had kind of cycled through and gotten out. And so, yeah, that was very different. And then you just get, you get treated differently until you prove yourself otherwise, and that was a big not testing ground. I don't wanna say it was a testing ground for me, but it was a big confidence boost. And I can be a Christian woman. I can be a lady. I can be a lady, a Christian- And like in this man world and still excel, and that was a big just like confidence booster for me. Yeah. And so what was like your, for lack of better words, your military nine-to-five? Like were you just out there doing manual labor on engines for different vehicles every day? Or what kind of were you doing? I was in the reserves, so it was one weekend a month I would go drive up to my unit. And I'm gonna be honest, majority of the time, like if it was a drill weekend, we were sitting around doing nothing. And... Or, or we were inventorying tools. There wasn't a lot of equipment to work on. But once I deployed and we got activated and went to Iraq, that's when I actually got to work on stuff, and that was fun, 'cause that was literally like doing PMs, changing out the oil, changing out transmission fluid, changing out tires working on electrical equipment for cranes and like all kinds of stuff. And we were retrograding in Iraq, 'cause they were trying to like close things down and move things over, and so it was cool to be a part of, of that and actually getting to work on the actual equipment that we had been trained on. But I'll... but to be honest, it was... I wouldn't have really known my job even out, coming out of school if it hadn't have been for the civilian contractors that were there with us. Mm-hmm. So it was like on the job training every day. So just for some historical perspective, w- when exactly were you sent to Iraq? Like what, what was the combat situation like at that time? It was in 2009, and so there wasn't... I, we were, I was on base 99.9% of the time. I only got to go off once. There were, so we weren't in, I wasn't in any combat or things like that. It was a combat zone, but as far as like what was going on outside, I don't really know. I just know they were shooting mortars at our, at our base, not daily, but like often enough that you, they didn't bother you anymore. You know? Such a weird- Right ... a weird lifestyle. But yeah, I'm not exactly sure. So were any of the vehicles you were working on ones that came back? Were, was, were you doing any salvage work at all? No. I was, a lot of it was just, it was fixing, it was fixing up equipment that they... And it was, what I worked on was construction equipment, so trams. There was a big crane. We worked, it was mostly trams, cranes, forklifts, things that we were like fixing. Mm-hmm. And a lot of it was like I was saying, like changing out the transmission fluid or cha- we changed out a transmission on a big tram one time. And a lot of it was fixing things that had been limping along for a long time, like fixing the headlights or trying to get certain switches to work. So it wasn't really, it wasn't like something blew up- Oh, okay ... and they brought it in and we had to fix it. It wasn't that exciting. And then of course everyone is probably thinking the same question. Do you change your own oil right now- Mm-hmm ... like on your vehicles? I don't. I should. I know. Yeah. I always said I would. Right. Do you pay someone to do it, or you make your husband do it? He used to do it, but not anymore. Like now we're... I don't know. It's like we moved to Florida and now we're city people. Oh. I pro- I grew up in Oklahoma, and I'm like in Oklahoma we were country folk, and now we're in Ok- we're in Florida and we're like city people. Which means you went from doing it yourself to we could just pay someone to do this. Just convenience. Yeah. And we have a friend from church who is a mechanic, so it just makes sense- Oh, okay ... to support him, you know? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So let's fast-forward. We talked a little bit about your combat era, and how long were you in for again? I did six years in the reserves. What was the deciding factor about getting out? Wanting, yeah, wanting to be a mom. I was ready to... I always say, and I told my CO, 'cause my CO and my staff sergeant brought me in the office and they were like, "Ryan, we need people like you. We want you to stay. How much money can we give you for you to stay?" And I was like, "I'm really, I'm really flattered, but you people are not... You know, I'm ready to be Mrs. Ryan instead of Sergeant Ryan." And- Mm ... that was really it. I just was ready to get back into, you know, wife, wife life. Like a normal wife, trying to be a normal wife, and then h- try to start a family. That was our goal. So what was it about being a military wife and mom that kind of you were, I guess, not disinterested in? So like why did you find it more beneficial to be a mom outside of the service rather than in? Well, and yeah, we hadn't had kids yet, just to make that, Yeah ... clarification. But I mean, it's just I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I always wanted to, always have wanted to homeschool our kids. Like just have a more, I don't know what maybe the exact technical term is, but kind of like more of a classic, like old school, Yeah, traditional ... traditional, yeah. Like traditional household is what we had always kind of wanted and talked about. So it was more about that. No, that's, that's completely understandable. I just ask 'cause I know some people choose to stay in. They find it more beneficial to have a family while in, and some people will get out. So it- Yeah ... sounds like you went out, you were... tried working, and you're like, "You know what? I'm gonna leave this to whoever else, and I'm gonna stay home and, and do my thing." Which I, A, if I could do it, I would do it, too, you know? So- Yeah ... I totally get that. Yeah. And I know, and I've done plenty of interviews on this podcast about how complicated being in the service and trying to be a parent can be. Mm-hmm. You know, we've talked about a lot of the difficulties with that throughout the various branches, especially when you're trying to start a family. And I, I think one of the- Yeah ... things the military needs to work on, I talk about-- People ask me, "How, how would you fix the military?" And one of the things is, like, making that ideal career path more feasible, so, like, for people... Because I'm-- I don't know if you did it, but we have the dream sheet, you know, kind of like, if you could be stationed in these top three places- Oh ... what are they, right? The dream sheet. Right. And it's, like, doing that but for a much longer view. So, like, for me, if I could've sat down with the Navy- Mm ... and said, "Hey, at some point I really wanna have a wife and kids, and I'd prefer a short tour for maybe when they're from this age to this age," or whatever it is, or to establish it, like, I think ha- setting that up could make it more feasible to do. But right now I think there's a lot of just, you have a kid and then they're like, "Okay, you gotta go here or here," or you gotta, like, kinda fight and fill out paperwork and do so much stuff to try and get stationed in a way that's more effective for your family. So I think that's something that- Oh, yeah the military needs to work on. But you talk about getting out to start your parenting journey, so I'd love for you to share about that and kind of the difficulties, the hardships, and then also the successes with that. Yeah. Well, I always thought I'd be a young mom because I got married really young. I got married at 19 right out of-- Like, pretty much right after boot camp I got married. So, yeah, obviously thought I'd be a young mom. But it took us a really long time to have children. I have a-- He's almost three. He'll be three in July. And we've been married for 18 years, so took us a really long time. But looking back, I just, I think about how God's timing is always perfect. And while I obviously would have liked to have children earlier on, and it took us forever you know, I see His hand in it all. But it, it, it wasn't until we moved to Florida that we ended up starting to, like, find-- Like, go to doctors and try and find out what was going on and f- what was wrong. And I got checked out, and they found a couple of things, but they didn't find anything that they thought would really interfere. And then my husband got checked out, and they found a few more things. And so they ended up coming back that our only option was IVF if we wanted to have a child of our own. And so, yeah, so we pursued IVF. That's where you're w- that's where you're wanting me to go, right? Yes, yes. So talk about that journey. Obviously, not everyone is quite familiar with IVF and the, the difficulties and the process of it and how that works. So could you kinda break down what was going through your mind during that whole process? Yeah. Well, I mean, I feel like maybe the elephant in the room if anyone does know, I feel like IVF is so controversial, and it's controversial in the Christian space. And I get it 'cause I feel like there's... It- it's controversial and there are a lot of controversial things, and there's per- my personal opinion is there's ways, there's moral ways to do it, and there's not moral ways to do it. And so we've always really tried to follow what we believe is right in God's eyes on how we do it. And so we we first talked about, talked about it, talked about it a lot and talked through it and prayed about it and ended up deciding to go through with it. And you... So it's basically just where they you... It's like how would I say this without sounding like a science class? But it's like they take an egg and they take a sperm and they put it together in a Petri dish. And how it, how it grows, like they get it to grow, which is naturally. Like, they're not doing anything weird. They're just, it's doing its thing. Right. And then at a certain point in time, they can, they can look at it under a microscope, like you think back to eighth grade science class where you're looking at cells. They can look at that and they can see the grade of the egg and, or the embryo and see if it's viable. Like, if it is dividing, like if the cells are dividing and everything like it should. And then there's this whole process of medications and like injections that you're doing to trick your body into thinking that it's pregnant, and then they put that embryo in at the exact time in your cycle that it, it would have like, it would ni- typically naturally what's the word implant into your uterus and s- signal to your body that you're pregnant. And so they do that, and then you're doing these shots to keep your body up like it's pregnant. "Hey, I'm pregnant, you know, we're making these hormones." And then you ha- you have a baby. Like, it, it, it wor- well, it works or it doesn't work. And so for us on our first try, we... it went perfectly. We had a little boy, he's almost three, and it was a really great experience the first time around. There was no complications with the birthing process or anything like that? No. It was great literally perfect. And I can look back now today and be like, "I'm so much more grateful for that than I ever, than even I thought that I was." Like, I was so grateful 'cause I, there was such a long time where I didn't know if- Being a mom was in the cards for me. And once once that worked, I was obviously super grateful to be a mom, you know? And 'cause there... I mean, when you're in the tren- trenches of trying to conceive, like, it's a very lonely, hard space to be in when you're a woman. And you're like, "This is my job." Like, this is literally... This is the punishment God gave me in the garden, and this is my job as a wife. Like, this is what I was created for, to be my husband's helpmeet, and to create life. And then help, you know, help both of them. And so it's a hard space when you're feeling like you're not able to even do the simplest, like, most n- Yeah ... what's the word? Most natural task that you've been given, you know? And so, but it's funny you mentioned Hannah, because I I literally for a really long time, I prayed every single day for a child, you know? And I just h- was trying to hang on to it, you know? So. Yeah, that's one of the things. Like I said, I just did a whole sermon on her, and talked about- Yeah ... like, the especially the frustrations of a mother not being able to conceive, especially those... Nowadays, of course, we have a lot of mindsets of women who don't wanna give birth, and, and- Ugh ... reject that kind of stuff, and all, all that stuff. And, Yeah ... but for those women who, who do really wanna have children, to be struggling with fa- And then to see women who don't want children, you know, popping out babies left and right can be very frustrating. So y- Yeah ... you talked about going through that personally, experiencing that. What advice would you give to someone if, if they're listening right now, and they're a mother who is struggling to conceive, or s- a woman who wants to be a mother, and is struggling to conceive? What kind of helped get you through that difficulty? Really it was just I had to keep telling myself even if... God is still good. So in whatever situation. Whether God was gonna bless us with a child, He's still good. He's great. You know? And if God decided that children weren't in the cards for me in that way of carrying a child on my own, and having a you know, a, a little bit of me and a little bit of Seth in one person. No. 'Cause some of it's like, maybe the world can't handle a Seth and a Malyri. I'm not sure. Maybe that's what it is. But- Right. Well, like, 'cause you know Seth, so you know. But you know, it was really just hanging on to com- I say hanging on. It was really 100% fully trusting God and His wisdom over what I want. And that's hard, but I think that that's, that's just the type of faith that you see in the Bible. And that's... I was also just at the end of it just thinking- Or throughout it all just thinking, "I just want God to... I wanna glorify God. I want God to be proud of me." Maybe that's not the right terminology, but that was what was going through my head, is that if this is a trial, I wanna walk through the trial. And no, I wasn't perfect. There was times where I was sad and mad and, and things like that, which- Right, of course ... I mean, obviously it's okay to have your feelings. But just hanging on to the truth that God is good no matter what. Yeah. And like you said, that can be really difficult to do through those difficult times, especially- Yeah if you don't already, and it seems in your case, like you already had a strong faith foundation, which if you are- Mm-hmm ... someone who is kind of on that path of questioning it or not having- Right ... as strong of a relationship with God, that can really strain that or in some cases push- Mm ... closer together because you know, I've been in, I won't say a similar situation as that one, I haven't tried to conceive myself, but- in the case of, like, God was all I had to lean on. Like, all I could do- Yeah ... was say, you know, God is all I have. I can't, you know, control X, Y, Z or ABC. I'm gonna try and do what I can on my end and, you know, know that God's moving on His end. Mm-hmm. And so you talked about the smoothness of this and the gratefulness at the end, but then now having more appreciation, and obviously I know why, but I'd love for you to fill us in on why, which is the future pregnancies that you had difficulties and hardships with. Yeah. Okay, and this is the part I like, some days I cry and some days I don't, so we don't know which Malyri you're gonna get today. Yeah. So we the first one went great and perfect and it was a little scary because we had six embryos left, and we were like, "Oh, they..." L- so a little backtrack before that. They tell you, so the statistics is pr- basically for every three embryos you get one live birth. And we were... And so they had told us, "Just, just so you know, it's probably gonna take three tries before you have one." And so for ours to work on the first try, we were like, "Oh, no." Like, does that mean we're gonna have six children? Like, okay. I mean, Go- whatever God's plan, you know? And so, so then we, we tried again and it didn't work. And that one was a little heart, a little more heartbreaking I think for me. Obviously Seth too, but it was a little girl, and it was our only little girl embryo that was a good grade. And so that one was hard. And then we tried again a few months after that. We tried a little boy. And it went, it was going great. I I got pregnant, it worked out. I was feeling sick, like all the things. And then it wasn't until- September of last year, I went to my doctor's appointment, and it was just a routine, like check the heartbeat, like do all this stuff. And they were checking the heartbeat, and I had no... I, you know, just had no clue. And she sh- she's checking the heartbeat, and she's not able to find it. And I just... She, she was trying to be... I feel so bad for her, 'cause she was just trying to be so positive. And she was like, "Well," she's like, "sometimes they're just, you know, they're hiding in there." And, and we couldn't find the heartbeat, so she's like, "Well, we're gonna do an ultrasound just to make sure." And so we did an ultrasound, and it was, like, this gut-wrenching moment where the lady wa- the lady doing the ultrasound was like, "There's no heartbeat." And I don't know, it's something I never, I never knew the hurt of, like, losing a child. Like, I... It's like people from church lose children. You know, you hear things like that. Like, people have miscarried, miscarrying a baby, and you hear about it, and you feel sorry for them. And you're like, "Oh, that's so sad," and, but you don't know the the gut-wrenching, like, hurt until you're a mom, I think. You know, you're a mom, and it's your baby, and you're like, "Ugh, now I get it." And so n- I feel bad for my friends. Like, if I kn- I f- it's like now I know the pain, and now I can- Right ... love them better, you know? But so they were just a lo- that we lost the baby. And it was, I was far enough along that they said I would have to deliver him. Or another option that I just felt like was not what I would choose, like, it just hurt my heart to think about doing it another way. And so I had to schedule to go into the hospital and deliver him in the hospital, and that was obviously another... It was just kind of like super sad thing after another thing, right? Like, you find out your baby is dead, and you literally, like, see them on the ultrasound. You don't hear a heartbeat, like all of that. And then now you have to go into the hospital and deliver this baby that's not alive. And that was a, another terrible day. And then you're wondering, do we need to tell, like, the full story of, like, almost dying, right? Like- Yes ... all that? Okay. But then so I delivered the baby, and then he I was hemorrhaging really bad. And they were able to get the bleeding to stop, and I was stabilized. So my my blood wasn't low enough to do a, The words are, are leaving my brain. Like a blood transfusion? transfusion. I was like, "I know it starts with a T." Yeah, I, it wasn't lo- left to do a blood transfusion, but I, I was able to go home the next day. But what kept happening is I kept passing out every time I would try to sit up, or every time I would s- I would try to sit up, they, I would pass out, throw up, like this whole thing. It was, it was wild. I probably passed out like 10 times after delivering our son. And anyway, they moved me to a room. I got to go home the next day. That day was also depressing because they were like, "Do you wanna see your baby?" And they brought him in in a, I don't know if I'm getting too morbid, but they brought him in in a, like, literal cleaned out empty ice cream tub, and it just broke my heart. Aw. So, maybe that was TMI. If you wanna cut it, it's okay. No, I, I, I was worried you were gonna say a plastic bag or something adjacent. Oh, well, yeah, I guess that was close. And that, that was pretty adjacent to it, so. Yeah. Yeah. It was still just she walks in with this tub, and you're like, "My baby." 'Cause as a mom, you're like, I know that, you know, he was 20 weeks old, and that's halfway. He looked like a lit- like he looked just like a little baby. And while I knew that, like, he's safe in the arms of Jesus and receiving the most, the comfort, like, only we, we don't, we don't even know the kind of comfort. We've never felt before. It's still just heartbreaking that, you know, his little body was just in there because as a mom, you just naturally wanna care for- Right ... your child, you know? And but anyway, so I go home, and obviously we're trying to deal with all the feelings of that. And I started bleeding again, and it was pretty, pretty, pretty bad. My husband, we ru- we rushed to the ER. And yeah, my doctor was like "You're losing a lot of blood." And he's like, "So what we're gonna do is we're gonna go in, we're gonna do a couple of things to try and get the bleeding to stop." And he's like, "Just so you know, worst case scenario, this is super rare, but we might have to do a hysterectomy and take your uterus out, like if, obviously to save your life." And I was like, "Oh, okay." Like, well, that'll never happen. That's not even on my radar. And so I go in, they do the surgery. Obviously, I have no idea how long I'm under, but when I wake up, my stomach is burning. And a funny caveat while we're in this depressing story, but I was dreaming of shopping at Target. Isn't that Interesting. I know. So when I woke up, like, from the anesthesia, I'm like, shopping at Target is what I remember dreaming about. But- Hmm ... anyway, I didn't see Jesus. It was Target, so I don't know. But anyway, I- My stomach was burning, and so I knew. I just, I knew instantly, and I was... And my literal first thought, I'm like lying there and was like, "Dang it." That's literally what I said. So and then I, so I guess my husband and I finally got to meet up with him, and he was like, "Yeah, they said you almost died." And my doctor came in and he was like, "So obviously, no, we had to take your uterus." And they didn't do a full hysterectomy. I know we're getting so girly over here, but it's... So they didn't, it didn't throw me into menopause. I'm still- Yeah ... like my body is still its age, if that makes any sense. But, Y- yeah. No, 'cause you never wanna get the full thing removed because then it really throws off your hormones and it can, I believe it can increase cancer risk and other stuff, and it really messes you up. Yes. So, Yeah, that's what he said ... yeah. He s- And I remember- He said he did it- I was gonna say- Yeah, he said- ... your, y- your husband's side of the story from what I recall was that they actually told him before you, 'cause he was out in the, in the waiting room, and the doctor said- Yeah ... "Don't tell your wife. We're gonna tell her that we removed her uterus." And they went in there and you already knew as you just shared with us, like you could just feel it. Yeah. And yeah. So I remember- Yeah ... him telling me that. Yeah, 'cause I guess they can't give you any medicati- like pain medication. Mm. So you're just, you're, you wake up and you literally can just feel the, you, you know- And- what happened, you know? But- The, was the bleeding from your uterus? Is that where you kept inter- were you bleeding, like was it physically exiting your body, or was it internal bleeding? Yeah. No, yeah, it was physically- It was just coming out all over. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was it was clotting a- and- Mm. Yeah. It's so gross. And it was clotting initially, and then the clots broke off, and then that was where it was literally just like pouring out. It was horrible. It was ter- I, I- So was it, was it- Go ahead ... mistakeable as a period at first? Were you like, "Oh, I'm just like reacting," or you were like, "No, something's wrong"? No, something was wrong. It was y- yeah, it was way different. I actually when the bleeding started, like when that, when all of that kind of happened, I... It was so bad and I literally just was feeling the life kind of draining out of me, and it was a r- it was such a weird... It's hard to describe, but I just, I knew in my mind that when I told my husband, I was like, "We just need to go." Like, I was like, "This is bad." I just- Mm ... I felt weird. And I literally went over and I kissed my son Archer, and I thought I was kissing him for the last time. I thought it was very likely that I was kissing him for the last time, and that's a very weird, that was a very weird moment because I go into the living room, he's sitting on the couch watching like a Disney movie with his grandma, and I just, I kissed him on the cheek, and of course, he's not really paying attention to me. But- There was, like, this flash of his life and my motherhood that kind of went through my mind, and I was like, "Okay, well, I know there's a lot of pictures on my phone, and there's a lot of videos, and hopefully he'll remember me." Like, hopefully Wow ... hopefully in some way, shape, or form I have helped him- Yeah grow into a good man, you know? Yeah. That's such a, a crazy thought to have, that like- I know ... will my children even remember me, you know? And that's not anything- Yeah ... any parent wants to, to remember of course, or think about, at least not until they're much, much older, so- Right. Yeah ... you know, that, that is crazy. And I wanna go back to, you mentioned a little girl that you had difficulty with. What, what was the issue with that? Like, the, the embryo would not implant, or... Because you didn't have to deliver from what I'm tracking, so what was the issue with that one? Right. That... Yeah, that one just didn't implant, and I'm... Right, like, I think as a woman you're always trying to find, trying to find the reason why for things, and I was- Yeah ... sick. I had been pretty sick, and I had been doing all this medicines to lead up to the transfer, and it's a lot of money. And I was like, "I'm sick, but I think I'm okay," and- Mm ... I didn't have a fever, so I... There's a lot of, like, different science about all that stuff. But we, I went ahead and did it anyway, and, like, looking back I wish that I had waited, but I understand- Like your body just wasn't ready? 'Cause I mean, it sounds like these have been pretty back to back to, to back, with the exception of, you know, your first kid to... Was the little girl- The two, yeah ... like, right after or was it, like, two, three years afterward? Oh, so this was all last year that we tried- Okay ... again. Yeah. And we- So you had waited quite some time between the birth of your first son and then the other ones. Yeah. Yeah, about two, a year and a half almost. Yeah, a year and a half-ish. So, 'cause I'm not a IVF expert, they, they just kept- That's okay ... like, your embryos in, like, a, a jar for, like, two years- ... while you waited? Like, no, I'm dead serious, 'cause you made all the embryos- It's a shoebox ... the first time, right? Come on. But they kept them all that time? Yeah, you... they actually ... I have three little children right now frozen in Tampa, and I pay, what's it, like- A lot of money ... $80 a month to rent them in a little cryogenic storage unit. Wow. Yeah. They talk about- It's like a science movie ... good baby investment. Yeah. I was gonna say yeah. And then I don't know how much you wanna share, but I know, and in case anyone is listening and called to it, you are looking for surrogate mothers for those children, correct? Yeah, and we actually have one. We have a, a g- sweetest friend that is gonna be doing it for us hopefully. She's on, going through the process right now, and she just passed the initial, like, paperwork phase, and then she's about to start the physical testing, where they're just kind of seeing how her body is gonna react to stuff and make sure that it's, it's all good. But she's the sweetest soul, and I just, I can't believe that she... I don't know. It's just such a selfless thing. And while it's not the journey I would've chosen for myself, obviously, I I just, it's like you see God's hand in that, like, using others to help carry the burden, and it's, it's special. Yeah, I know we last spoke, we were talking about a couple of different people who had reached out to you. And I think it's so amazing to see. Again, I can't even imagine 'cause I'm not a woman, but carrying another woman's child and, and doing that. Especially- Yeah ... what's so, I call it strange and ironic, is I've seen a lot of the women who volunteer for this don't want kids themself. But they'll- Mm-hmm ... use what they have to make a kid for someone else. So- Yeah ... I mean, how has that... Could you talk about kind of how it's kinda shaped your journey of faith and, you know, your relationship with that? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I would say, this, you didn't necessarily ask about this, but just something that I think is probably really relatable and if someone is going through something like this. But in the beginning it was just really gut-wrenching not only losing a child, but then having the ability to have children be taken away from you because you're- Right ... th- not that that's where my value is, but a little. You know, I alluded to that a little bit- Right ... earlier on. But, and then you're, you are, you're just thinking of that, is that you, now the beauty of carrying a, carrying your child is taken away from you. Because that's, that becomes such a sacred thing, and it's so special, and you just, it's the miracle of life. Like, God designed it, and it's, it's amazing. But that being taken away is, is pretty hard. And and then it was just like, who would do that? Like, who would wanna do that for someone else and not even get to reap the benefits of it? Right. Because it's I mean, there are some women who love being pregnant. And I, I mean, I enjoyed being pregnant. I wasn't, it wasn't terrible. But I know a lot of people who pregnancy is, is horrible for them. It's really hard. Yeah. They're obviously grateful to be able to have a child, but it's a rough time. And so you're just thinking, "Who would wanna do that? Who would want to like, go through childbirth, like, all that stuff, and just be like, 'Here- Right, for someone else Yeah. And so, I mean, it just, it took, it felt for a long time like, like that. Like, who would wanna do that? And in the beginning there was a lot of crickets when we would talk about it. There was a lot of people that were just kind of like- Right ... "I'll be praying for you," and you're like, "Thanks." Right. You know, like, "Do you wanna have my baby for me?" Like- ... as if you're gonna ever ask someone that point-blank. No. Like, never, ever, ever. It's a, it's a good icebreaker. Yeah. Right, like- Yeah. But I, I think- No, but thanks. You know? I, I feel especially bad for people in your situation during this time period, where we kinda mentioned earlier we're seeing people, so many people use birth control or closing their tubes, or whatever it may be to- Mm-hmm ... get rid of their ability to, to conceive and have children, and because people want to- Right uh, create sex into a pastime activity rather than a reproductive function. And so I feel like now you're in a day and age where you're inundated with so many people who are just throwing it away when, when you can have it. So I think it's especially difficult, and that kind of leads us towards the third part of the conversation, which is- Yeah talking about what you do now with what we call, and some people call conservative clothing. Not conserv- i- in a, in a political sense, but in the, the modesty sense. Yeah. You talk a lot about clothing, and trying to be a fashion influencer who unlike most of the fashion we see online, a majority of it is sexualized, is pushing, you know, that sexualization is freedom and liberty and makes women goddess. You have a much- Yeah ... different approach, and you have a, a good following. You have people who personally even meet up with you or, you know- Mm-hmm ... that you've formed relationships with, who are inspired but, by what you do. So I'd love for you to go into this current part of your life that you've been doing for qui- quite a while as well which was- Yeah affected by some of the difficulties you went through. So could you tell us kind of what inspired you into that journey? Yeah. I, I guess as, you know, we're all on social media, we're all on Pinterest, and, and the girl world, you're always kind of looking for the newest trend and what's cute, and how can I create that in my closet, or what do I need to go buy to look cute like her, you know? And I would see these cute outfits on Pinterest, and then you go to, like, buy the items, and it's like a $30 white T-shirt. And you're just like, "Who's paying $30 for a white shirt?" Right. And so that was really what kinda sparked it, is I've always been, I've always loved fashion, and I've always tried to be modest. And I know everyone, there's, like, a spectrum of what everyone thinks modesty, what modesty is for you- Yeah, for sure ... and how you were raised. But I just, I always- Loved trying to cre- recreate things or think of my own kind of outfit. And but always on a very poor budget. Like, I was raised very poor. We got our clothes from Walmart or garage sales or mostly hand-me-downs. And so I just, I started doing that. I just started sharing essentially, like, a get the look for less. And that's kind of like a, a phrase that's thrown around a lot now, but back then nobody was really doing that. And so that was what was fun is it was just putting together a cute outfit, but from Walmart. And as it's, as it's grown, Wal- it's- Walmart has gotten really popular and and it's like now everyone is wearing Walmart, and it's cool. It's just cool to see. And, But you want everyone to know you were the trendsetter, not the person who hopped on the bandwagon. You wanna be complete. I mean, maybe a little, but- Like, you were doing it first. I, we, we, I was one of 'em. You're retro. Oh. You're vintage. You were cool before it was cool. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. You young people. Well, I just, I just say that 'cause so I know- I know ... we, we talked a lot about Walmart. Are there o- any other brands that you partner up with or places that you shop at that you also like as a go-to? I do like going to Target. So mainly Walmart and- Every woman in the world likes going to Target, and it, it's heaven to them, which is probably why you saw it during your vision. You're like, "It's heaven," because- I know ... every woman thinks Target... Like, and people, especially at least, at least what I've seen with Gen Z, Millennials, Gen Z, and younger generations- Mm-hmm like they're go on Target dates, and they'll both go together- Oh, yeah ... and they'll make little baskets for each other with different items, or they go to the $5 section in the beginning. Oh, tell me what we do. Right. I, I, I have been a victim or survivor of that $5 section right in the front 'cause you go in and they got- I know sometimes it's just random stuff. Sometimes I don't know who made it or why, but I always- Right ... end up leaving with some little knick-knack or something 'cause it's only five bucks and whatnot. Right. But they've, they've got some good stuff. Like I said, I, for my clothes, I don't know. I just find it somehow. I couldn't tell you. I like, I hate it 'cause I always have an interesting shirt or something and someone says- Right ... "Where did you get that?" And I never have any answer. I, I think of like 100 different places. I'm like, "I have no idea." You're like, "Maybe it was the thrift store." Unless it's a graphic T-shirt, then it was buy one- Yeah get two free discard rack at Hot Topic. That's- Right, yes ... that's my go-to if I wanna pick up in bulk, like, you know, 18 shirts that no one's ever seen and no one wants. In bulk. But as far as like all my- Yeah ... like I happen to know this one was from Target, but all my other Hawaiian shirts or dress shirts They could be from some antique mall in like Mississippi or they could be from like an actual mall or- Yeah I, I have no idea. And I hate not being able to tell people where I got it from, 'cause people are like, "I, I wanna buy that. Where did you get it?" Now- I mean, yeah ... I was gonna say, some of my stuff is from online. Do you do- Right ... in person only or do you, do you risk online shopping? How, what's your view on that? Oh, no. Yeah, I definitely do a lot of online. And then o- I mean, once you buy a brand and now if you figure, you figure out like how the clothing fits and stuff like that. But after COVID it really switched to more online. Mm. 'Cause I used to go into the store and then try on the new stuff and- Right take pictures or film it, and now it's, I do a lot more online stuff for sure. How do you keep track of the cycles? Like, hey, the new spring collection's here, the summer's collection here. Where do you get that information from? Dude, I- Or if that's a trade secret- ... the amount- ... you don't have to tell. No. I, eh, the amount of time, and, and it's changed now that I'm a mom. I don't have all of the time to just sit there, but the amount of time I would and do scroll on walmart.com. Like I know, I don't know every single item, but I could go to Walmart with you, like we could go to Walmart and I could tell you everything that's brand new. And like say like, "Oh, that's old." Like, "That's old." Like I just... And I can just scan the store, and I go so often and I know the, know what is there that I can just kind of scan and just know what's new. Like if it's a new color in the shoe, I know it. And I don't know. On your resume as special skill set. You know, like very interesting ability to have. And you know- It's nothing to brag about, let's just say that. Hey, there's, there's people with stranger or more obtuse skills than that, so I mean, it, it definitely works. Yeah. And you know, being, being a mother, I know you have the, the one kid. And d- are you in charge of his clothing or have you left that to dad? Like what's, what's the deal? Mm. Are you thinking of making a separate account for like how to dress your kids better for less? Like what, what's going on in your mind? No. I, I mean, I definitely try to dress him and I buy his clothes, but Seth will sometimes buy him a couple of things. But yeah, I'm normally the one dressing him. If he, if he looks a little funky or something doesn't match it's, it was probably grandma that, that put that outfit together. Yeah. Probably. That's, that's, that's seems to be common because I'll tell you like if I were to look at my clothes right now and people were like, "Oh, where did you get that one or that one?" I'd be like, "That was my grandma said that I would be a handsome young man who got all the ladies if I wore that." And I'd, I don't know if it was- I don't know where grandmas get their fashion sense from, if it's just outdated or they're just, I, I don't know. I've got- My grandma got me the brightest neon pink polo in existence. Like, if you shine a light on it- It- ... it like, a, a glowing pink Like a glow. Yes. Yeah. It's like neon neon pink, and I was like- That's funny it's great if I never wanna get lost at something, I, I will say. Yeah. But it's, it's a little too bright. I need something a little more muted. It's just, it's too bright. Ugh. I need something a little more muted. She wants you to stand out. A little more that can fit into events. A little more pastel maybe. Right. But. Right. Yeah, so. She's cute. Right, and I, I don't know. Sometimes we're just walking and my grandma will see something and be like, "There it is." I'm like, "Nah." She's like, she just gets it anyway, and, or, you know, you get it for Christmas- She's cute ... or your birthday, and you can't return it. Yes. And, yeah, and I think that's where some of my strangest underwear has come from as well. Oh my Is grandparents or parents buying just, like, the most weird images. Like, I've got the ones I'm wearing right now to be TMI. I don't know. That is a whole, it's a whole ocean barrier reef of fish and coral and stuff, and I'm pretty sure my grandma and my mom got that for me. S- special bamboo- It's like Finding Nemo on your- wicker cooling technology. You know? Like, that's your podcast- It's okay ... fun fact of the day, you know? It uses the, the wind from the ocean to cool Right, the, harness the sea breeze, you know? Yes. Yeah, so you talk about- It's like- ... this lifestyle you're living now. You were a diesel mechanic marine- Mm-hmm turned influencer, fashionista mom. What were some of the learning curves- Mm-hmm ... when it comes to, and in fact, you just spoke at Military Career Con actually as a, as a speaker about- Mm ... kind of, like, the adjustment of becoming someone who posts online, who records online, who does all this content. Mm-hmm. What kind of roles and responsibilities- ... or hardships did it come with that you did not anticipate or have been the most difficult and challenging to you? Hmm. Yeah. People's, you know, I don't get a lot of mean comments, but the handful of mean comments I've gotten in, over the years just live rent-free in my mind, and that's- Yeah hard too. There's a lot of really sweet comments that I get and a lot of stories and things, like, people will share that are, are really impactful. But I think that there's a lot of things, but I think as, as of late, the, I'm blaming the devil for it because I think that he doesn't want me to shine my light. And so th- I've had a lot of this internal monologue just going on saying that I shouldn't, that nobody wants to hear what I have to say, that I'm not a good speaker. Hmm. That I just say "like" all the time, or a lot of things like that where it just makes you feel like you shouldn't- Put yourself out there, where when I first started my page, I, I didn't think about any of that stuff. I just literally shared stuff. And so I think it's, it's a lot of trying to be a people pleaser, and that just dims your light when you're trying to please people, 'cause you're never going to, no matter what you say. And then the people who have started following you for who you are and who... You know, like the real you, when you start- Right dimming your light, like, I think they notice it too. And then, yeah. It's just like- Yeah, so shout out to, speaking of Marines, Reid Jones and I had a conversation like this this morning because- Yeah ... he and I are in the same boat as you with the hate comments. In fact- Ugh ... he was posting an anti-racism thing because I believe he's also in an interracial couple relationship. And- Okay ... he was t- he was talking about anti-racism, how there's just so much racism in the world, and it keeps, like, you know, he was talking about that, and he got hate comments degrading his- ... his voice, accusing him of so, about all this stuff to detract from his message, you know. Right. And I was talking to him because I just got some, I got pro-human trafficking comments, because I post anti-human trafficking content, and I got some toxic males who were like, "Real men in the- Yeah church, you know, would support human trafficking," or they don't care about whether coffee is ethically sourced or not. I had- Mm-hmm ... someone who tried to make anti-Jesus comments on my faith-based content- Yeah ... yesterday. They spelled Jesus- Right ... wrong, so I couldn't even really take... That one I actually laughed at, because they spelled Jesus wrong. Right. Like, they were- Yeah ... like, you're typing so fast and angry, you can't even spell Jesus right, but I get it all the time. Right. I had people who gave me backlash 'cause I said, you know, using excessive amounts of drugs, alcohol, or sex to cope negatively and suppress something- Mm-hmm ... is bad. I was talking about life advice. People were mad that I said that, you know. And I really like Massimo Rigotti said it great when he and I were recording about addiction recovery. He goes, "Mr. Whiskey, you know- Mm-hmm ... someone's gonna look at this conversation between you and I. They're gonna make fun of your hair or my curly hair to not pay attention to the message." You know, 'cause the message- Yeah ... a lot of times is it's reaching the person. They're either in defensiveness or because they don't wanna be held accountable lashing out. Or- Yeah ... as Reid Jones and I discussed this morning, some people just hate to hate, you know? There is no motivation. Yeah. There's no understanding their psychology. There's no wound they're covering up. They just like to spread hatred and whatever. And, and typically a lot of the comments that are from these sources are anonymous names or profile pictures. Sometimes it's a real person, but usually not someone- Right ... who can do what we're doing or has done what we're doing. I think- Right ... what you're doing is, It doesn't have to be politically associated or religiously associated, but people are gonna attach that to it to have a reason- Yeah ... to hate or to make hatred, right? 'Cause at the end of the day, you're just showing different style of fashion. Whether people- Right wanna say this is Christian-forced or this is, you know, a Republican or conservative, they're gonna attach whatever label they can to it to have an excuse to tear it down. Yeah. And it's sad to see, you know, especially when we see so much support again for women who are pushing forward lingerie, sexualized clothing- Yes For normal wear and all this- Right ... other content on- promoting OnlyFans, and then they're gonna push down someone just promoting a different s- fashion style. Not even- Right ... it's not like your account is made to bash on those other accounts. It just exists- Right ... as its own entity doing its own thing, but people are gonna make it an anti. And so I think it- Yeah ... it, it is spiritual warfare because, like I said- Mm ... any time I post something that's faith-based, it instantly gets disliked and hate comments within five minutes of publication. If I post something- Mm ... non-faith-based if it gets dislikes or, or any hateful comments, it's not for quite a while. But if it's faith-based, I mean, instantly, you know? It, it- Yeah ... really is spiritual warfare. And so as we talk about that, you know, you've... What has kind of helped you deal with that? 'Cause I'm in the same boat where I've, I had someone reach out and say, "An episode of your podcast changed my life." Oh. But I think about that one a lot less than the guys who are like, "Well, you know, real men, human traffic..." Like, it, it's hard not to- Yeah ... focus on those negative comments so much more. I had someone tell me I should stick to milking cow utters, you know? So it's hard not to think about those ones compared to the positive. So has it been- Yeah ... faith that really reinforces you? Has it been the support of your loved ones? Has it been, like you know, maybe writing it down? What has kind of been your go-to method for dealing with this? I honestly, I've just been quiet. It's not the best, it's not what I would recommend someone to do, but I mean, I've never been super loudly political. I've never been- Yeah ... super loudly Christian necessarily. Like, I definitely will post, like, my Bible studies and, like, about whatever Bible study I'm doing, I'll post about it in my story. Or I might do a, a post about my favorite Bible studies or different things like that. But I, I don't, I don't typically get on and talk about controversial things because that's not what I started my page for. And for me personally, I just, I'm, I'm not here to argue with people. And, you know, and I think of that, like, just casting your pearls before a swine. Like, there's, there's a way to do it. There's a way to, like, share a message and to, you know, like, preach a lesson and find an... Or just arguing and fighting online, and I'm like, "Nobody, no one's coming to Jesus when you guys are just arguing about stuff," you know? Mm. And and I've been, I've felt very convicted to share more about my beliefs- and that's something, I'll be honest with you, I've just been nervous to do. Like, the devil's been kind of holding me back from that, and I've been listening to him. Like, not, it's not like just him, but you know, there's all these negative thoughts in my mind, and then I've been nervous to share because you just see you see so many things going on. You see, I mean, you just, you think of the biggest one is Charlie Kirk. You know, and I'm not trying to bring that up and open up a whole can of worms by just that you just see people doing good things, and I mean, there's plenty of stories in the Bible filled with that kind of thing, you know? Mm-hmm. And but then I also think, like, I don't wanna be like Peter, and I don't wanna deny Christ, you know? And I'm like, "I'll never deny you," and then here I am, like, not talking about and not sharing the gospel when I have- Hmm ... a platform. But I, I don't know. I've been, I'm struggling with that, is like, I, I'm, I'm not trying to be a, a preacher. But I want to shine the light of Christ also, you know? And I- Right. I j- No ... I mean, I, I definitely have people who will comment and everyone, I feel like the people who follow me know I'm a Christian, and and I definitely share my beliefs on, like, with IVF and how we've dealt with it, and I've gotten some backlash about IVF and, "How can you say you're a- For sure Christian and do IVF?" Like, things like that. But honestly, I've gotten quiet, and shame on me for it, and that's why we're here today talking. Right. And I think- ... there's a couple things you said there that are really impactful. Sometimes our response will detract from our initial message. I, I really like that- Mm-hmm to say it like that because sometimes you can put forward a really good message, and then people will see the way you react in the comments. So for me, I just, I just delete them. I know some people- Yeah ... are like, "Respond to them. It fuels the algorithm." Mm-hmm. But for me- I mean- ... I don't wanna provide a platform for sin to spread, for hate to spread- Yeah, right for racism, sexualization, or arguing to spread. You know- Right ... there's no need to keep that platform open- Mm. Yeah ... you know, to, to each their own. And then I think something you said there as well is denial isn't always just saying no. Sometimes it's just being silent, and I think that's really powerful. You know, and actually I- Yeah ... talk about that a lot with addiction recovery, where- Mm-hmm ... addicts sometimes feel if they don't admit to drinking or they get asked and they don't answer, well, not answering isn't saying no, therefore they're not lying about their addiction. And so we- Right ... sometimes really twist and, and try to justify things, but like you said, denial isn't just saying no. Sometimes it's not doing your part. It's choosing to stay silent. It's not speaking up or, yeah. Yeah. I think, you know- Yeah ... you can definitely be Christian and, you know, live a lifestyle that reflects that without having to preach it or, or, or push it towards others. Like I said, a lot of people- Yeah ... will just attach it to what we say or what we do to have a reason to argue. You know, you talk about- Wanting to, to be a bit louder and, you know, talked about c- overcoming a lot of different hardships. And I say that all to lead towards this finale here, which is what is the future looking like? The expansion of your platform and what you're doing, and, you know, all, all that you're doing. What do you think the future is shaping up to be, and what are you hoping to see happen? I really, I really feel God... I just, I really feel like deep down I'm supposed to share my story more, louder. Like, my voice, my face saying it, not just me making a little post with a little paragraph about what happened. I really feel like that I'm supposed to be a source of encouragement for others. Like, all of these things I've gone through, I- and that's something else that carried me th- has carried me through is that none of these hardships have been for nothing. Like, struggling to have children going through IVF, having IV- ha- losing a baby, ha- like, almost dying having to do all these crazy things. Right. And being able to hold onto my faith and 100% trust God even though I'm sad, I'm upset by His wisdom and what He's chosen to do. I'm like, "Why did it have to be that way? But okay." Right. I really think that I'm, He's say- like, He's wanting me to be a source of encouragement for others. And to just... I have a platform, and all the stuff, like, right, like just all the stuff didn't happen for nothing. And, and so, and I've had a lot of comments where people have said that they just can't believe that I still believe, and that I'm still faithful. And I f- I find that a little dif- different. Like, I'm like, "Wait, what do you mean?" Like- Mm-hmm ... why wouldn't I be faithful? Like, don't you know God? Like, you know? But that's just a testament to that's the point is I ha- while I've been able to keep my faith it's also made me doubt, it's, but it's made me doubt myself is what's weird, is I, I haven't doubted God through all of this, but I've doubted myself. Feel like- Mm ... I don't, I'm not gonna... Kind of what I alluded to before is, like, I'm not gonna speak well, so then I'm holding myself back, and I feel like that's where the struggle has been the most. But just that I just, I keep saying this too, and I don't know if it's a good analogy, but I just, I feel like Moses. Not that I'm great, but- Yeah ... when God was like, "Go talk to these people," and Moses kept having all these excuses, I'm like, oh, hey, that's me. That's relatable. I keep being like, "Well, but..." Right. You know? Right. And so. Well, and- So honestly, this is a first step for me. Yeah. Coming on this podcast and y- Whatever questions you were gonna ask me, and just answering them, and just getting out of my comfort zone. Yeah. That's my goal. Now you're a podcast guest, you're a speaker who spoke on stage. You're an influencer, so you- you've done a lot. I think your testimony is one similar to, you talk about people being like, "Well, how could you be of the faith?" And I see that a lot, and I work in the spaces of domestic violence- Mm prevention and awareness. Same for sexual assault and violence, and human trafficking. I just recently attended- Mm-hmm ... a gala, and I also hosted the, well, Warriors of Hope book launch. And both of those events, all the survivors there were faith-based. They were filled with trust and faith in, you know, Jesus Christ. And a lot of them were more, in our human terms, seemingly justified to be upset with God, because they had been- Right ... survivors of, you know, domestic violence- Mm ... of sexual violence. Yeah. Some of them were raped in preschool, you know? So hearing those stories- Yeah ... and hearing them still have the faith, it, it was such a testimony, you know? And there were plenty of people who were like, "How can you still have faith through all of that?" And you know, that's- Yeah ... a, a, a, like you said, it's a r- really huge testimony in itself. And then two things I wanna leave and end this with. Okay. The first is if you could share a Bible quote with us that, you know, is just speaking to your heart right now. Maybe it's one that you've kind of kept centered throughout your journey, or just one that's on your mind. What one would that be? Hmm. I'm like, that's a hard one, 'cause I keep thinking about different things. But actually the biggest one right now is I'm doing a mother's, a mother Bible study. Hmm. And it's talking about all these topics as a mom, and also in relation to your walk with Christ and, and things like that. And one of them was talking about laying your burdens down at the cross. Like laying- Hmm ... your burdens down. And I'm like, what... I read it, and I was like, what does that even mean? Am I doing that? I don't think I'm even doing that. I'm, I'm so wor- I'm like, I'm so anxious and worried, and stressing out all the time. And Jesus literally says to not be anxious. And it, you read that and you think it's such a simple thing. You're like, well, what does that mean? I'm s- I'm stressed out. What are you, what are you saying? You know? But it's like, here's a simple answer. And so I really been just trying to sit on that and meditate it, is like- Hmm ... don't be anxious. He's, God takes care, takes care of everything. And then laying my burdens down, and g- like giving them to him, and what does that actually mean and what does that actually look like? And am I doing it? Yeah, for sure. I think that's one of the ones that we all struggle with the most, which is why- Yeah ... you know, anxiety, rest, and burdens- Mm ... are mentioned throughout the whole Bible quite, quite a bit. And so I think that's one that- Yeah ... we all really struggle with, one that I also remind myself of often. And then what I want to leave with was you've done all these different outfits, sandals, dresses, pants, shirts. What has been maybe the number one fashion tip that you have learned throughout all of this? Maybe it's like a certain combination style, maybe it's a color palette, maybe it's just- Mm-hmm ... like a, a trick for better buying. What would, what has been like the most shocking thing you've learned, or the most beneficial? Hmm. That's a hard one. Well, I think maybe it's not actually, it's not actually hard. I would say that the thing that stands out the most is that you don't have to spend a lot of money to look cute. Like, you just, and I think that that's a girl thing. Like, it's like every girl wants to feel cute, everybody wants, likes getting dressed up. There are some girls that don't, and that's, you know, that's fine. But that you don't, you don't have to buy these super expensive dresses to look nice. You d- you don't have to show off your body to be attractive. You, And y- you know, I, I look back at that and just think of younger Malyri, and I'm like, you know, you just... I mean, we could get into a whole topic of modesty, but it's like that's not the type of guy you want in the long run, truly. You want a guy that loves you for your heart and not for what you're showing, because he's not gonna love you. He's not gonna love you, he just likes your body, you know? So that's a whole other topic that we don't have to get into, but, 100%. And for those girls who don't wanna look good, there's always the Marine Corps Do you see? No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding, but- Yeah If you wanna look real ugly, just I'll put my blues on. You can put your outfit- Yeah, I was gonna say, Malyri, definitely email me some military pictures of you to use for the- Yeah ... thumbnail cover. But yeah, no, thank you so much for sharing your story, your first podcast- Yeah ... outside the one you recorded with your husband and never published, you know. So- Oh, yeah thank you I didn't know about that. He, he told me about that 'cause we were talking about how it was your first one officially. So super glad to have you here. I love to see you breaking out of your shell to talk about this stuff. I think- Thank you ... it's important. You know, there's a lot of people, more than we realize, who are struggling with m- conception. I think a lot of people- Oh, yeah ... maybe don't bring it up or share it, like you said. How do you share it without sounding like you're pitching, like, "Hey, can you be a surrogate mother?" Or maybe some people are grossed out by it, or you don't wanna ruin people who are having good pregnancies, you know, in, in your head. So I think it's something that, a- as we talk about it, it can be a conversation that's had more, which leads to awareness, better resources- ... more comfort. And so I really thank you for coming on the show and, and sharing your story. And just because we didn't name it, I'll have it in the description below, but could you share some of your handles and social media for people to check out? Yeah. You can find me pretty much everywhere, and it's just @cheapchicfinds. Can you spell chic? Chic. Chic is C-H-I-C. Yeah, not a Q-U-E. Que. For anyone who, who is... Yeah. So, but thank you. We're gonna add that in the description below for people to check out all of your, as you have said, cute outfits, and, you know, they can be the determination of that. But- Yeah. Right ... yeah. And hopefully y'all can find something to wear. Summer season is coming up, so a lot of good finds. Although it's still, it's still springtime. You know, you and I are- Yeah ... are Floridians, and, and Georgians- We're sweating ... so it's kind of, it's already summer. Yeah. But wherever you are, you know, the new spring and summer collections are out. But this also works year-round for some good deals on early winter savings and all that. So, Yeah ... Malyri, thank you for what you're doing, and thank you so much for your time today. Yeah. Thank you. Have a good one. </p><p><!--block--><br><br></p>
