Episode Transcript
<p><!--block--> Welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey. And for those of you not watching on YouTube, this is not as always a regular episode in a sense that it is Zoom through the virtual web that we exist on nowadays. I am actually recording in person. <br><br>With a guest, not AI, this is not an AI generated by, this is not just a fake image. This is a, as far as I know, a real human being, one of the realest. We're good. We're good for those of you, not watching. I just flinched for those of you not watching. I have a new cowboy hat. And for those of you who have never watched, I wear a cowboy hat and boots.<br><br>And this is my first episode without my sunglasses. They're in the car and I didn't feel like getting them, but nice. The sunglasses over the glasses, but yeah, ladies and gentlemen. I am in Atlanta, Georgia for the pod tour meetup. Shout out Chris K, the guy who made PodFest. Pretty cool dude if you get to meet him.<br><br>Uh, I found a guy wearing a pod, a PodFest hoodie at VO Atlanta. And I was like, I'm going to go ask that guy if he went to PodFest. Like, that's so cool. And then it was the guy who made it. So I looked stupid. Um, and he knew me cause he's like, is that cowboy against the wall, Mr. Whiskey, what's he doing here?<br><br>Voice acting. And, if you can hear it, hopefully it's not too bad, but I did a voice audition the night before last for, or maybe it was last night for a Batman, Joker Bane and Solomon Grundy for a Lego DC Batman stop motion film. I did audition. And if the Batman voice wasn't bad enough to destroy my vocal cords, the Solomon Grundy born on a Monday Hulk zombie, uh, definitely did it.<br><br>And then singing karaoke on my way here, four hour drive, but I made it. I have yet to be robbed or shot or mugged in Atlanta has treated me with hospitality so far. So is that, is that the rep Patelante is getting on the street? I have seen no Rep for Atlanta other than this. Crime, crime, awesome aquarium, crime, crime.<br><br>This is the only highlight is like, um, the aquarium, which I am not getting to visit this time. I'm missing it, but it's all right. It's all right. I am here recording with a very special guest. I met her at PodFest.<br><br>She is one of the. Key pillars of podfest. I would say everyone knows her by her laugh, loud voice. There's always a crowd. Sometimes, sometimes there's a ball gag in her mouth. Uh, if there's that, that happened, that did happen. Yes, there was a, um, it was just a podcast. Yeah, there was a like kinky podcast and the.<br><br>woman hosting that brought like a batman utility bill of sex toys And it was two podfests which was kind of insane Um, there was also a nudist at podfest. She wore clothes during during the event No shoes And her comedy, uh, was pretty good. It was actually very funny. Seriously? Those two were my roommates, so imagine what happened in the rooms.<br><br>A nudist, a kinky, and a, uh, drunkard. It's like the beginning of a bad joke. Like, y'all walk into the bar with a microphone, what happens? But yeah, so, Ms. Paula is here with me. She is a podcaster specializing, through personal experience and conversations with guests mental health, and that's why I want to introduce her to y'all.<br><br>Obviously I cover that stuff on my show, but for y'all to have another outlet for that, maybe someone you connect with more. Maybe someone who's better than me. Not saying that she is. Y'all, y'all don't have to. You have it on tape. Yeah. Y'all, y'all don't have to comment down below. Don't, don't, don't use Buzz Sprouts fan mail service to text me like she was so much better.<br><br>We're ditching your show for hers. Listen to both of ours. You know, or just tell him to bring me back more, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Co-host was, lemme take over for a while. Paula is now a certified nuclear operator, podcaster. And, um, that's why her hair is that color. For those of you watching is from the radiation exposures, the nuclear powered, you know, it's kind of cooling color matching the microphone.<br><br>Yeah. But Ms. Paula, don't, don't let me be too long winded here. I had a long drive by myself, so I am anxious to talk to anyone. Even if they're inside the microphone that y'all aren't real. We're the only two here that are real. First of all, I want to say thank you for reaching out and asking me to come early so we can record.<br><br>Uh, I don't get to record in real life with people as much because it's always virtually. So anytime I get a chance to do it in real life, especially with people who I only get to see at conferences. Right. Is, is an incredible opportunity. I would never say no to that. So thank you for stopping by. Thank you.<br><br>And for some reason I gave him my address to my apartment, but he ended up finding the clubhouse and sitting up in the clubhouse, so I was like, how did he even find the clubhouse? This is what I was expecting. I had to walk down. There's like this mountain of stairs between like the, uh, little apartment slash condominiums here.<br><br>And I'm walking, I'm the only cowboy for miles. And I'm like, Paula's not answering her phone. She's sitting out on the porch, like laughing, watching me walk in circles. She's like, she knows it's me. Clearly it's me. I'm the only cowboy I've seen here so far. And I was so cramped and I'm wearing a shirt stage. <br><br>Yeah. I'm wearing shirt stays too. You can't see it because I'm sitting down, but they're pulling my shirt into my socks. And so that car ride, it was, it was rough. It was rough, but it was worth it. I'm here. And Ms. Paula, can we start with what are you wearing right now? It looks very interesting. Is that available for sale somewhere? <br><br>Uh, this is special order. So yeah. I'm into match, as you can see, my earring. Oh, me too. My, if you've seen me at pot first, I'm always wearing my match or other people's match 'cause they like to send them to me. , you have like stickers, you guys like stickers or something? , I have stickers. I have uh, belt, uh, what are they called?<br><br>Buttons. I have everything. So this was new. I was trying it for my birthday weekend where I went to the Empowered Podcasting Conference and I wore this on my 35th birthday. So it says. Now that's some shit with the hashtag that says, say your shit and the back because is that you as a powerpuff girl? Yes.<br><br>So I have a friend of mine called Soda. She has a, um, a creative podcast. Oh my God. I forgot her. Uh, Soda. But anytime I guess goes to a podcast because she likes to draw, especially Powerpuff, she draws your Powerpuff as an insert. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So she has my, um, when she drew this, uh, we turned it into a logo for Shit Happens.<br><br>And then she wrote another one, which had turned it into a logo for Rapshade Whippy. So she has done two of my logos and we all belong to the Empowered Podcasting Clubhouse room. So most of those people have, because they've been to our podcast, there was one time where we went to Clubhouse and everybody put their, their, of our pictures as the logos to just show who she is.<br><br>Oh, nice. It's amazing how many talented people you find in these communities or conferences you attend and you're like, Oh my God, that's dope. And like, and how many frauds I'm going to be the negative guy there. Um, So many he is everywhere. I am a traveler, but I am very picky with where I show up. That's why I don't end up finding too many frauds or stay away because I'm a person who really. <br><br>Follows my energy and intuition. So whenever I'm around somewhere and it just feels, I don't care how much shit, you know, how famous you are, I'm walking away and never coming back. So I have to be somewhere where I can. I mean, you'll see me at port first. I'm loud as fuck, cursing, constantly with a drink and people still love me.<br><br>They've been. Oh yeah. Places that allow you to be yourself and just allow you to shine and validate you. Those are the places I go. And that's right. If you met, like, I'm pretty sure there are frauds in, in portfolios. I don't know. Cause I haven't spoken to everybody. There's a lot of exaggeration, but what you're speaking on is so true.<br><br>The podcast community really is a family. And like every family, you've got that sibling, you don't like that one uncle who's a little creepy, you know, talking to you about your podcast too much. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's awesome because, and I've spoken in a couple episodes, ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who follow, make sure you subscribe.<br><br>So you follow every episode, but I've talked about how I went in with the mindset, I don't want to meet other veterans hosting mental health podcasts because I don't want to compete with them. And then it turns out. Now there are some people with that mindset still, but it's a lot of guest swapping, networking.<br><br>We'll help you out. You help us out. Like we're all just trying to help people. It's really the money hungry people who are trying to keep guests to themselves, keep resources to themselves or charging to be on people's shows. For me, it's like, we're trying to help each other out. So any veterans I can connect you with.<br><br>Or vice versa, I've overlapped guests with so many people and it's great. There's nothing better than calling someone and they're like, Oh, you were on his show. I was also on his show. Or, you know, this guy, like I went to school with him. It's amazing. Now, Paula, you've been podcasting for a couple of years now.<br><br>So you've been around the block a few times and let's drop the name of your podcast since we haven't done that yet. We've alluded to it quite a bit, but. Yes. Four years, shout out, I'm proud of myself. And we recently just reached 10K downloads. It's funny how 10K took me. Four years. And as, since I got 10 Ks, I'm already at 16 K and I'm like, they do say exponentially, once you get to 10 K, the rest is going to come quickly.<br><br>But my show is called Talk She Whippy. And I started as a mental health podcast because I was, I was battling with depression. It was like, I have been battling with depression before COVID, but it was COVID and my depression was going wild. So I was going through a breakout. I needed something to take my mind off.<br><br>And podcasting became the thing. I didn't know if I was going to fall in love with it, but I fell in love with it. And I attended Podfest as my first thing virtually. I started my podcast in 2020. I attended Podfest virtually in 2020. 2020 end when they did the VidFest and then 2021st, this was virtually, and the community just felt right, and then when I attended it for the first time in 2022, it really felt like I was home, and that's when I knew I wanted to do this thing forever and be around.<br><br>People like them and, shout out to Travis Brown who sat down with me and was I evaluated my podcast or doing free evaluation, which I was scared, you know, um, we want, we want, what's the word we want, um, Constructive criticism.<br><br>Okay. We want it, but we still like we don't want it. Yeah, because you don't want to be told what you're doing wrong, but you need to be told if you want to improve that. So I was telling Travis Brown, I'm not coming. I just made that up because Travis was like, no, you better come. And when I went actually had.<br><br>More good things to say about bad, which was very impressing. 'cause I had just started podcasting in 2020. Right, right. And I didn't know shit. I was teaching myself everything as I was born, no pun intended, . And then, uh, he told me to change my logo because it was like, these are your personal stories. Mm.<br><br>You have a very big, uh, energy. People need to feel it when they come to your podcast. So we went, we walked, we changed the logo, and then we kind of niched down cause now mental health is broad, right? But, uh, I, I wanted to be in that wave because now I realize I want to do this. Forever kind of shit and Right.<br><br>And I was more interested in building my brand and seeing what I can create. And I've always been a match girl. I've always been into Match since I was a kid, right? So whenever I create a logo or something, I have the image of how will it look in my match? How will this look in a line? 'cause I always thought I would out right?<br><br>A clothing line. It come, it comes long before you even have people who will buy the merch. 'cause you know, I'm gonna buy the merch. I bought my, I've made merch for me. And it, it's, it's, so, there's nothing more exciting than having like. with your show or your logo on it, especially when you make it from scratch.<br><br>And what was your logo beforehand that it wasn't given off the kind of energy that, that people needed? Um, it was lips and they used my lips for my picture that was taken literally the last weekend before we went on lockdown. So it was really, it really works. So they used my lips and it was just lips. <br><br>With a mic like gossiping and then it was taking out the words T S W P. Okay. It talks to you with this. So like the words are coming out of the mouth. Like, okay. And we do have some much that still has that logo. We still use that logo in some matches. Cause I have, um, I have this bathing suits that I create.<br><br>Cause I used to do the bathing suits. I don't know if you have met Adam Shively. Um, yeah, it sounds familiar. And I kept on dragging him. I'm like, can you make bathing suits of your match? Cause he has he was like, well, I don't know. Wait. I'm like, I'm telling you, I will fucking wait. So when I started creating much and because it was like the lips and the mic, right.<br><br>I made bathing suits, like, um, the bikini and then the lips with the mic in the middle was <br><br>No, that's so funny because I used to talk quite a bit with, Rachel Bird. She runs the Love Before 100 podcast. And she was like, who's going to buy merch with my face on it? I was like, if you make a Speedo with your face right on the crotch, I will wear it everywhere. Well, her and I were supposed to get dinner together for business purposes.<br><br>Uh, yes. And then I missed her because I was. Hanging out with someone else who I should have prioritized. Different, but, you know, stuff happens. This, there's a story I need to comfort. There's not a story here. We gonna put him on blast then over here, but we can talk off my Yeah, there's, uh, but happen, I, yeah, I, I could have been a dad and was almost a dad, but, you know, things, everything's lined up for a certain reason.<br><br>I don't have a Speedo with her face on it currently. So. Like, that's the thing about March. You, you have to go outside the box to create something amazing. I don't want the same shit. I see everywhere. I want when you, when you, when you sit from afar, you're like, I want that. And literally, so I created this with a different logo, but I have one with my. <br><br>Talks to repeat, but without the words, right? So I just have that and it's on the back and that's the issue in front. It says shit happens, drink a beer and the bucket has that. So when I went to Publix last week and this old lady was behind me and she came and she poked me and she was like, why are you putting your tongue out for me?<br><br>What did I do? And I was like, Oh, for a second, I was confused because I got that. Right. It's like, yeah, you're putting your tongue out like, huh? And then he's like, you're shy. I was like, oh my God, I'm hooked into all this conversation. And she grew up late in the 60s, 70s in Malaysia. It's like, I slept with a hundred men.<br><br>I think my husband is What a story. Right. Look at one much because I decided to have it at the back of me instead of the front with just my logo and share and it brought up a conversation that went way out. Right. She even gave me a number. She was like, if you need help editing, I live across the street.<br><br>Call me. Wow. I feel like you're a nice person. I can invite you to my home. And I was like, I love this. Right. And I have the same thing I make, kind of military style and someone came up to me and they're like, what's. 25 TAC 4S. I was like 25 TAC 4s. It was a mandatory study hour program for the nuclear pipeline in the military.<br><br>I started telling about the show and everything or people are like Couple of nukes or who's that guy on the back of your shirt. And, one of the things you mentioned is there's so many variations we can make, cause I've made my shirt and I have all these files on my computer, every color, every just moving one thing, changing one thing.<br><br>So many, I love custom merch and, I wish it wasn't so expensive where you got custom slides or do you see who that is? No, I know. You're gonna have to tell me who it is. That's me drinking a champagne. That's what I thought. I was like, there's no way. This is me. Blowing smoke. Cause that's still my favorite shit.<br><br>And I've had people, but literally somebody, the first time I saw this before I ordered them, and that's why I ordered them in white, because she, I had already seen the black ones in her. She literally ordered them in black. I have house slippers. Confused fuck with my face. This girl until today, she was like, when are you gonna have them again?<br><br>Cause mine are getting really dirty. Old because I've been over washing them in my shambles. She's had them for years, but they were so comfy and cozy and it has my whole face in front of it and she loves them. She ordered them and she enjoys them. I have had socks. Literally, there's a lady who DM'd me on IG and she was like, I remember you because I've never seen anybody wear socks with their face on on stage when she was presenting.<br><br>There's one person who might beat you. I discovered this yesterday. Jojo Siwa's car is just pictures of her face. Her car is just a hundred pictures of her own face. That's the energy you're getting off right now. I want my car with my face on. Well, maybe just if you got, right, right. Okay. That's yes.<br><br>That's right. Right. I don't want to be seen like that on the streets. It's too high profile creeping around and trying to do Sheila. I don't want everybody knowing. She just, if you get enough money, what you get is you get a fancy car. That's pink. You only take it every now and then. It's got the Powerpuff Girl on the side of you.<br><br>Like, it's, it's nice. Like, yeah, we will have a merchandise car that goes, yeah, not for driving downtown. Elena red lights to creep. It needs to be nothing. Right. Maybe I'll buy the, the cyber tracks. They're ugly, but they might walk for, for more room for your face. Oh, for, for the creeping. No, that stands out so much.<br><br>There's only like, you know, like literally, I don't know in Savannah, but there's one in all of Savannah. There's one. I'm constantly meeting and the only time last week, I took a picture of one because it was different. I've never seen a white one and it had a paint at the back, like some artistic, so I took a picture of the back one.<br><br>I was like, this is different. I'm going to take a picture of that. Bye. Bye. We. Have them. So like, I mean, this is Atlanta. Everybody wants to, it has like two thirds of the state's population. So it's like the South, the Hollywood of the South. That's what Savannah's nicknamed, but Atlanta, yeah. You know how many movies they filmed in Savannah?<br><br>Forrest Gump. For the movies they shoot. Come there for the venue, but shipping happens in Atlanta, right? Well, cause the air is not gray in Savannah. So Tough crime because , yes, there's things to steer. Yes, there are Hellcats parked on the street and, and everything else. But what's funny, No, you're fine. Um, I was gonna say that the merch car, for, for you Paula, has to be a convertible.<br><br>You already know you gotta have the windows down, the roof down. When you're pulling up to pod fest, you know it's gotta have like a cooler. You gotta get one of those cars where you can modify with 3D printing and stuff. And you have like a built in like little drink tub of ice. In the, in the center console, you got like champagne, just chillin.<br><br>When I'm ready for that, you come and visit me. I got a contact, yeah, well I got a guy, he's gonna be coming on. He just got out of the military, Toretto, check out the episode with him, future NASCAR driver. He just got out of the military. I'm going to go to Long Island and record with him. He's opened up his own shop.<br><br>Going to start building cars. Exactly. It's been a Jeep guy. Like I want like, Oh, yeah, big tires to see people. I'm too short as fuck, but it's funny. You know, now that we're talking about March and all this, cause right. I went into March and stuck. I think the first time I met you. The first night was when I was actually creating content for my match, because I was giving them mo shout out to the Mopper boys. Those boys I love, they were opening their match and they, those right. Uh, one of a kind, nobody has them. Only they have, oh, you're sitting in a little beach box inside of the conference hall.<br><br>Y'all had this little beach set up and you're sitting down there. Oh, okay. After the, the, i, I know the first time I saw you, I remember it very clearly. Wait, lemme call. It was the first night on Wednesday night. We were outside of the Gator Bar, the bar near the pool. And I, Mike and Joe were there and I gave them their match to open and they opened.<br><br>They saw it was these whiskey glasses because they love whiskey. And whenever I'm with them, I drink too much. I drink too fucking much. Those boys make me drink. It's not me. It's them. No comments. No comment on that. As soon as they saw those, they pour their whiskeys in that glass. They start to drink and they're like, we're all getting shots.<br><br>And then I actually. So him, but I didn't remember because I got so drunk that night. I don't even know how I made it the next morning to do my presentation. Thank you, Lord. Cause my presentation was the next morning for picture culture. But when I was looking at the video, I was like, Oh shit, whiskey and Mark was there, but when you. <br><br>So this is pretty accurate. First of all, I was sitting down with an older gentleman who was like eating a salad, chomping down. I'm asking him about podcasts and stuff. And. Suddenly there's so much noise. There's this very loud person and there's a crowd forming and we're looking over. I'm like, Oh, that's Paula from the Zoom call.<br><br>I remember her from the Zoom. I went to the pre Podfest newbies, Zoom call. Right. And You know, I went over because I didn't know anyone, and I had met a few people, I'm like, well, Paula will talk to me, she's very social, maybe connect me with some people, I go over and talk to Paula, next thing I've got five free drinks in my hand, I'm like, this is not what I want, she's just handing out beer, she's like, look, I snuck beer in because it's cheaper, because we're at a hotel, it's so expensive in Florida, she's got a bag of beers. <br><br>Cause I was from the ambassador party were giving out free beers. So it was winding down. I was like, I ain't going to buy no shit over there. So I, I had my own beer and I kept drinking people. And it's funny you said you are, you had all these drinks. I feel like everybody at Potfest is always saying Paula.<br><br>I got drunk because of you. Like you just kept handing me drinks. I don't even remember where I'd be getting these drinks. Cause I don't even be spending money at Potfest, but I always end up having drinks to give out. And the Mopod boys, they, they give out a lot of free drinks. They, what happened is I had a pina colada.<br><br>I was talking to Ms. Cherry. She runs a love podcast. Very beautiful voice. One of the most beautiful voices ever. I was waiting in line for her to get a pina colada. She left. Paula gave me like a beer or something. Then people were like, your name's whiskey. Here on the house and they'll give me free whiskey and I have got so many cups and that led to some trouble that night.<br><br>But, um, and to call my roommate to come and get me because I couldn't because this hotel was like a maze. I couldn't remember how to get to my room and it was because we. Right Wednesday night pre registration. Three and three, four. By the time we got ready, it was the pre. Pool party meetup. Then from there I went to the ambassador meetup, then I came back.<br><br>So I didn't get enough time to literally walk around and find the ways I call them. I was like, can y'all come pick me up? Well, and what happened is Paula's like, I got to give this big speech tomorrow. I'm getting drunk now. I'm going to drink tomorrow morning and I'm going to drink enough so that if it goes bad, I can just throw up and have an excuse to leave stage or be bad.<br><br>She's like, I can have an excuse. Shout out to, uh, Ingrid, what's her name, there's the country female singer, I love her music, who sang the national anthem awfully at that baseball game recently, and was like, I'm drunk, Ingrid, Ingrid, Ingrid, I'm so sorry, I listened to her song Lady Like, it's a very good song, um, sorry to hear that, you know, she destroyed America, when we were already down low, we were already kicking us while we were down, you Um, I can't remember her last name is a set up because every time people who even know how to sing and they go sing national anthem always stands like the very few have been raised for having an awesome national and it's always the kids who do good.<br><br>How come the kids sing better than the adults? Because I guess they don't, they don't understand. Yeah, apparently, apparently, it's funny because, um, literally the next day. I woke up and, um, , uh, uh, I, I woke up early 'cause I had to volunteer and uh, I volunteered and then I went. And I found Mike in the, in the room waiting for the staff and he gave me a Red Bull.<br><br>I drank a Red Bull, but then, then he made me help set up the booth. Right. You know, and then in the setting up the booth, they gave me to help put the beers. Right. So of course I started drinking right , but I did do my speech successfully, that even people started coming up to me and thinking, I, my check out the replay, check out the replay. <br><br>I watch, I, I can never watch myself, but it's on my Instagram. The full presentation on mine is on my Instagram. I'm like, I never watch videos. It's the night before I either drank or I was on the street. I do not watch those videos. I'm like, you know what? Drunk Paula is not sober Paula.<br><br>We are going to leave that to Drunk Paula. Now, Paula, we've talked plenty of comedy, these funny stories of, of you and your life, but can we get a little, I don't want to say dark, but a little serious with it, with, uh, you know, you were battling depression already, COVID I think made it a lot worse for everyone by adding a layer of isolation, of boredom, of allowing your mind to wander, of taking away those de stressors that you had, the social interactions, and so you used this podcast to cope.<br><br>And that's amazing that that worked out for you. But can you tell us a bit about your battle and then. From hosting this podcast for so many years, all these great guests you've had, all the wisdom you've acquired, kind of some advice for everyone out there who's in your spot, where you were then and your spot now, because we know depression is a journey, not a destination really.<br><br>And I'm not saying that to sound hopeless. It's getting better every day, always healing. And you got to always be alert of it. You know, it's just like any, Addiction or disease. It's always in the corner doing push ups like getting ready training to take you down and you have to always be aware of that.<br><br>You've got to always be vigilant. You can't let yourself get complacent and fall back where you were. And once you fall negativity, you know, it's momentum is so much faster than positivity. You down spiral fast and you got to build your way back up. So yeah, We can get into that, Paula. Yeah, definitely. So the isolation part, no offense.<br><br>I was okay with that. Fuck people. No offense. Humans are just annoying sometimes. And this is coming from an extrovert. So growing up, I was always an extrovert, like a people pleaser. Like I knew my boundaries, but I was also people pleaser. I was a very confident person. Um, but I also knew when to let go of people.<br><br>Like, like it's something I've had since I was a kid. And then, um, I remember the first time I came in America in 2014, um, and my second boyfriend, um, when we were, I was This is a funny story because you know, when you're in that place where you know, you need to break up with somebody, but then you don't want to break up with them because at this point, my first boyfriend was from D.<br><br>C. and my family was in D. C., so I used to go to D. C. all the time. And, um, We broke up and my, my family moved away from DC. I started having to be in Atlanta. Now I had to make my own friends and people because everybody I knew was in DC or out of Atlanta. And I was never in Atlanta that much. The next thing that my phone was like, why are you even studying in Atlanta?<br><br>Cause I had school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Friday or Thursday night I was in D. C. until Tuesday morning for my classes. Like literally every other, every week. Right. It's like a seven and a half, eight hour commute. That's, that's big. Oh no, I used to fly. Oh, okay. Frontier was then, it was like a hundred dollar return ticket.<br><br>Oh, okay. I was in D. C. all the time. Were you like the VIP member? They get, you know, they're collecting points. Oh, Frontier, oh yeah. And to the extent that, cause, uh, my parents were like, my, my aunt was an ambassador in DC, was like telling the embassy, we should just leave the car at the airport. When I started dating that guy, his entire family was in Atlanta.<br><br>So I met friends and family because of him. So when I was ready to break up with him, I was sad that I was going to lose that. Cause most of the friends and, and Well, from this, of course, you know, most of the time in breakup, people choose sides when they say they don't choose that people choose sides. So that was, I was fearing losing that, which ended up starting to depress me because now I was like, I was getting into that lonely wild, like, Oh my God, I'm going to be alone.<br><br>And this, when, um, I started battling my depression and having to learn how to deal with it. And it was kind of a wake up call, which kind of was like, listen, you kind of need to learn to be your own best friend. And Being by yourself. Cause I ended up realizing that even before coming to America, like my entire love life, my friends keep on telling me I used to jump from relationship to relationship.<br><br>And I realized it was because I was scared of being alone. That's very common. And I just, I was speaking about this the other day, it's in my new book coming out and it really, it's huge. It is, in fact, The second divorce rates are higher than first divorces because most people who get divorced, there's when you get married or you're in a relationship, you get so comfortable to having someone.<br><br>And a lot of it has to do with, you know, A lack of self love too. You, you get the love from other people rather than from yourself and social media has a lot of people not understanding or having self love and when you don't have that, you're seeking it in other people. I myself did the same thing where I was never single relationship after relationship.<br><br>And part of that too, was you don't heal properly. You know, you, you don't get over stuff. Fill in. You never want to be that guy or gal who says someone else's name, you know, like their own name. But Paula, can we go back to where were you before America? Oh my God. So, uh, before America, it was Dubai. Before Dubai, it was South of France.<br><br>Before South of France, it was Malaysia. Before Malaysia, it was UK. Before UK, it was Uganda and Tanzania. Oh, wow. So, so the, the worst part too, is you felt like with, you know, Your boyfriend that you had, you had finally got like a friend group that was staying because you kept moving, you always had to say goodbye to people.<br><br>And they were Tanzanian, right? So I finally felt like I found my home away from home, right? And now I ran away from Tanzanians, but that's a whole other story. Right. So from that, I started learning how to be my own best friend. Like just, I was still moving relationship relationship because a bitch hadn't learned yet. <br><br>She was, but then, um, so by the time when it came to COVID, I didn't care much about the isolation being alone because I'd already learned how to be alone. I would take myself out. I'd go to movies alone. I would go to a bar and alone. I always find local bars, and I'll start going alone, but it only takes.<br><br>A day for people to gravitate to me. And next thing you know, I'm the star of the bar. So I met friends pretty easy. Uh, I talk to anybody and everybody. I, you know, I, I'm just that, and I think that comes from moving around because I always had to make friends, right? If I, if I wasn't coming to you, I'm not gonna just sit there and be like, they're gonna come to me.<br><br>No, bitch, you have to go to them. So I learned that. But, during Covid in 2019, I was dating a guy who. Oh boy, I can see you coming. How to say this nicely. The love of my life. Right. And people have this idea that just because somebody is the love of your, I mean, your soulmate, that means that you have to end up together.<br><br>I know your soulmate can be even your best friend. You can find your soulmate in there and you don't have one soulmate. And sometimes your soulmate is your worst enemy. Like they're no good for you. Well, and one of the ancient philosophers wrote, there's three types of love. I think one is your first love, uh, right love, wrong time, and then your final love or it's something like that.<br><br>I don't remember it, but that middle one hit me hard. The right person, but the wrong time. Or a big issue is you can love someone, but your lives are just so different or just not aligned. And I've learned over the years, you can love someone, but But not be in love with them anymore. You still love them.<br><br>You still care about them. But you can't be in love with them because you know that your calling is different, you know, or they're not good for you. I mean, we also, we also love some toxic relationships. Sometimes, you know, we can't help ourselves. This is what is one of a toxic relationship. Anyway, so we broke up right before COVID. <br><br>And it was February. It was his birthday month. We were even supposed to go on vacation. We had to go on vacation. And he was in Canada. So when COVID hit, Um, it was Traveling really shut down. Yeah, it was, it was also a hard time like, uh, with COVID. My, my hard time wasn't in isolation. It was, cause when we broke up, I had two jobs.<br><br>And me and my friend was starting, um, I vent company, which we were doing, uh, I vent to launch the company on four 20, if you know, you know, uh, so I was busy and me, I like it when I'm busy. I don't have to think I don't do, I'm overthinker. I'm a deep, I'm a cancer to the core, empathy, overthinker, emotional, like all that shit.<br><br>So I push it down because I know once I sit on it. Yes. So I make myself busy, but then. I also ended up finding out that being busy doesn't mean you're productive. Cause I sit down and I'm like, what the fuck did I do? I'm tired by the shift. I did, but I'm just being shut down. I didn't have shit going on, you know, like literally all I was doing was waking up, drinking, sleeping, waking up, drinking, sleeping.<br><br>So I see myself go into that hall. I love alcohol. I just don't like when I know it's taking me somewhere. Like if I know So I had to get a wake up call, like Paula, where you're heading is not a good place. You need to face. Your fucking shit. I had to deal with my breakup, which I was, I wasn't dealing with.<br><br>And at the same time, I was worried about him because just cause we broke up the love, it doesn't just disappear. It's great. He has two kids is in Canada. I love those girls. So I was really worried, but I also didn't want to shake up on him because I'm being stubborn. I didn't want him to think I want him back.<br><br>I don't want him to think I'm using his kids as a call out. It's like, what the fuck do I do? And then Tanzania, where my, my, my parents are, the president wasn't taking COVID serious. My dad also had had tissues. So I was like, God, please save my dad. I don't want it to happen, whatever. Then Asia was going on with whatever.<br><br>And I've lived in Malaysia. I have friends who I consider family who are Asian. So to see that it was also like, man, and then there's black lives matter, which was also happening. So it was all this shit happening at the fucking same time. And right for getting caught because at least when I go through my mental health issues, I know I can call a friend to talk to, but when it's covered, the whole world is dealing with shit.<br><br>So I'm here thinking like, okay, I got shit was, but I'm one person. I don't have kids. I don't have a pet. I don't know. Some of my friends have three kids who are also at home. Some of them are now realizing, okay, now I'm home with my spouse and I don't like my spouse. So they were Right, right. Shit. So was That did happen quite a bit. <br><br>So there were a lot of divorce that happened, but it was like you couldn't just be slapped somebody of your shit when they're also dealing with shit. 'cause the entire world is dealing with shit. Right. Um, I wrote my ex an email just to check on him and then I went on Twitter and started talking shit about it. <br><br>And then one person told me, I was like, well, you got so much shit to share. I call her my manager until today because she's the one who made me get into this. She's like, you got so much shit to share. You should start a podcast. I was like, nah, I was like, yeah, I be reading your tweets. I'm like, because I tweet when I'm drunk, big deal and I don't want people find, uh, Once I'm up there, people switch off 10 years ago. <br><br>I'm the same person two months ago. So y'all chill with this cancer shit, but anyways, I've been careful with what I treat these days. And I don't go on Twitter when I'm drunk, cause you ain't going to catch me sleeping. But that's before, like when Twitter was still cool, you could go out and nobody gave a fuck before it was X.<br><br>Yeah. So, um, and then she came to my house and then we were talking and he was like, why not talk shit with P you like talking shit. Oh, okay. He came, even the first episode, I went in so much on my struggles during COVID and everything. And, um, that ex of mine has been a big supporter of my podcast. He hasn't listened.<br><br>He said one day might be a guest, but he has been a biggest supporter. Uh, most of my presentations, he has sat down and helped me go with it. He has created, uh, he has made me come up with When we are good is very helpful. When we are not good. So, um, that's how, uh, it came. And, um, when people ask me, I get asked this a lot, who is your podcast for?<br><br>And, and I say, selfishly it's for me because, um, My presentation, my first presentation ever at Podfest, it was how podcasting saved my mental health, because literally once, once we came with that idea to start a podcast, the next day I didn't wake up and go to the fridge to take a beer. I actually showered and I started Googling and Amazoning, what do I need to buy?<br><br>Right. And if you all remember in 2020, there was so many people who were doing free courses. And you know, as soon as you start Googling something, you go on your social media, there were all of these free courses. I started taking and learning and, and calling my dad and my brother. And I was like, I'm going to set a podcast.<br><br>It's going to come out on epi. And my, my younger brother was like, give me a date. Cause I'm going to hold you accountable. And he did. He was impressed when I released it a week before the date I gave him. But, um, when I say I'm selfish, because it is for me, because every conversation I've had in my podcast has been conversations that have helped me heal in different ways.<br><br>I've learned something. I've realized how much better I am from where I was, I've grown, I've been inspired, I've been motivated and I've done, they've been the same. So it is every time I get on the mic, it's a healing process for me. I get better to hear other people's struggles and what they're doing to get themselves better.<br><br>Because sometimes. We feel so alone in our struggles. We think nobody else is dealing with it, but once people come, either you're thankful that, Oh my God, I'm so glad I just get depressed. Cause people, there are people who are battling. All of this intense shit. And sometimes you also find other ways. Okay, maybe therapy doesn't work for you or medicine doesn't work for you.<br><br>And there are people who are using different tools or different ways. Like me, I say, podcasting helped me. Every time I see myself, and by the way, I'm not, like, just like you say, uh, Mental health, even depression, like they are Johnny, you get better. You learn, you get tools that you learn to use, but it doesn't go away.<br><br>So even when I see, but I know when I start sensing that it's going to go to the dark place and depending on what it is, sometimes I'm like, you know what, Paula, just wallow in village, stay in bed the whole weekend, just be lazy. And she'll come Monday, get the fuck up. And we are doing this. So I allow myself to be. <br><br>Dark if I need to, but also give myself time. Like you better get the fuck out. And when I do get the fuck out, but when I'm wallowing, I watch old show or trash TV. I'm big fan of trash TV because they make me realize. I'm not far off because these grown ass people be doing some fucked up shit on trash TV that you're like, what is, what is, are you saying?<br><br>Trash TV? Yeah, trash TV is like reality. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get me started. There's so many stupid, there's so many, it's like. All these shows, there's like 10, 20 different versions of them per country. They're all just the same. I'm like, I could host a dating show. This is so easy. These people are all the shit that they're arguing or doing.<br><br>And I look at myself and I'm like, man, and I was just sad here that I got drunk yesterday and do this and do that. Like Paula, you're okay. You're all right. So they kind of, Right. Up. And I ended up getting ideas. Oh my God. I should have that conversation on my show. Oh, let me reach out to this one. We need to talk.<br><br>This is the right person for me to have this conversation or I will say something like man, let me create something like it motivates me for my match or it motivates me for next thing. You know, I'm getting up and starting walking. And that's why I say podcasting really safe. And some people, it might be gardening.<br><br>Same. It might be painting. Same. It might be yoga. Same. It might be. So we underestimate the power of the passions we have into healing ourselves. So podcasting became that to me and and I just love it and the words so, uh, For everybody who has been on my show has helped me be a better version of myself the more I keep doing I realize how much better person I am becoming.<br><br>And I see my growth. If you look from four years ago to where I am now, it's like, yeah, and it's because of podcasting. So if you're feeling, and this is why my podcast, I say it's for creative journeys and, uh, and mental health stories, because I'm in that place where we are creatives. I'm building a brand, but I'm also paycheck to paycheck.<br><br>I don't have a trust fund. I don't have a budget. I don't have a marketing budget or anything. I'm doing everything with what I have and what I can. So I want to inspire and motivate those people there who think you need to have a certain amount of money to start something. You can start with wherever, whatever you have and wherever you are.<br><br>And that's why I bring these creative stories so people can hear these journeys of people just because they are where they are doesn't mean they had a smooth road and also to hear their mental health struggles. So that we can inspire and motivate each other or help each other. Like, Oh, you're going through that.<br><br>I know this person who does this, that helps them or this, this, this. So talk your shit. My advice is because once you talk your shit, you belong in the right places and get the right help. If I hadn't come out and say, I'm depressed or I'm, I'm this, I'm this, I wouldn't be in the right group. Getting the right help, meeting the right connections and being surrounded with people just bring me positive energy and peace and also going outside.<br><br>People underestimate the power of sunlight just being outside walking. So it's so refreshing. That's why I'm so thankful for my dog needing to walk outside, getting me away from the computer because she gets me outside and. The, the feeling of the sun. I love it. I, and I love the heat. Thankfully, you know, that's why George was good for me.<br><br>But Paula, a couple of things I want to touch upon, the most important thing being, and this is true for me too, just as it was for you, Paula. Ladies and gentlemen, just start, a lot of people feel like they had no creative talents. I never knew I was a writer or wanted to be an author until I got a random writing prompt and I realized, Oh, I love this.<br><br>I just started my podcast. Just like you just started, you know, you never know until you try. There's so many people who we're all creative beings and I'm religious. So I believe, you know, we're made in the image of God and he was a creator and we all are creators. It might not be singing, it might not be dancing, it might not be gardening, it might be something else.<br><br>Uh, but we all have something and you can't discover destressors and passions, Ruth. I was just trying them, you know, and that's true because, um, I knew I could talk. Right. Um, right. and, and that's why my first three episodes into video, because I do this and, and I do this, so I'm like, I, I just need to be, are you part of palliation?<br><br>That's, that's why I do it. You know, so, um. But from podcast, I always knew I wanted to do a TEDx and I, and to write a book, but I just say it. I had never done shit about it, you know? And I, I am fearful of being on stage like, and people, you can't be drunk at TEDx, you can't be drunk at TEDx, maybe high, but people, whenever I tell people, I'm shy, people don't believe it.<br><br>Right. But I can walk into a group and just start talking to people, very different, very different from being on stage. But when I'm on the stage and people are looking at me. It's a whole other vibe, but then I'm always nervous, and then once I get there, and I'm on the roll, it's like, this energy when I come off, I'm like, that was so Well, and exactly, it's the same with your passion, you can't build momentum on something that hasn't started yet.<br><br>And that start is going to be the hardest part when you have no motion behind you, you know, that's what you got to do. And that's why I love podcasting because it got me to constantly be on stage. For some reason, they keep wanting me to be speakers. Like I'm going to be a speaker at offers and now just in a panel in October in Baltimore, um, podcast movement.<br><br>Is paying me to be a room manager at podcast movement. I'm getting paid to be there. There are people to me after meeting conferences and they're like, yeah, your energy, you have this way with people. If I, if I, if I have a book, a sponsor book, can I hire you to come in? I'm like, hell yeah. Let's talk about it, you know?<br><br>And also, my book is finally going to be, I'm hoping to finalize it by the end of this year. So the book is there. People keep telling me I'm funny. I was going to be on the comedy, but I got delayed at the award show. By the time I came to the comedy, the numbers were already picked, even though my name was on the list.<br><br>So I didn't get to be on the stage. But I'm getting into comedy. I never thought I'd see myself getting into stand up. Me either. Me either. If you can talk, you can make people laugh. Once you know how to formulate words. I'm naturally funny and people keep telling me I'm funny. But there's a different thing about being naturally funny and getting on stage to make people laugh.<br><br>People are understatement. Well, especially if your funniness is storytelling versus Stats of Jones, but well, I want to touch on a few things because we're getting close on time here. We got to go to pot or but, um, yeah, I saw I saw an analogy the other day that really, it really resonated with me and what you said earlier about you could be busy and getting nothing done.<br><br>And someone goes. It's better to run a short distance than to jog in place. You're busy in both scenarios, but one of them is productive. It's getting you somewhere. You can be busy jogging in place. You're doing something, but you're not seeing results. And then I want to say, and I'm sure you've developed this mindset as well over the years, I don't think you're selfish at all.<br><br>There's no guideline or rule book. There's no societal precedent for a podcast has to be for other people. Hey, sure. It doesn't make sense. It's like, it's just for me. But when people make songs, when people make movies in books, sometimes it is to entertain and inform. That's the majority of it. But people also just create to create, you know, you go to a person's house.<br><br>Sometimes it's like. Oh, are you selling that art piece? And the artist would be like, no, I just made it for me. I just wanted to make it, you know, there's nothing selfish about it. And I think. You don't have to have a podcast and this is for everyone out there. Ladies and gentlemen, if you want to start a podcast, but you feel that same way, you're like, who's going to listen to this?<br><br>I feel like it's more for me. You don't need a target audience or your story or whatever you have to say to resonate with someone. There are billions of people in this world and you will resonate with some of them guaranteed. You know, you don't know where they are. You don't know who they are. And that's why, right, right, right.<br><br>And it's like going back to where I said in the beginning of the episode about the community and the not competing with each other, realistically, it's good that there's so many people with the same style show because not every host is for every person. You know, how many. Women over 50 have a show about how great it is to be over 50.<br><br>Not gonna drop names. I know, I know at least five of them off the top of my head. Some of them are fabulous. Some of them are glorious. Some of them are young at heart. Some of, like, those are, those, you know, their titles are all just adjectives over 50. And it's great. At PodFest, there was a huge community of Senior podcasters.<br><br>And that's amazing this year. We're really trying to work on at least on my end, I'm pulling some strings to have a greater faith based, uh, community bringing together, you know, there's all these different niches I did. I have, I don't want to say anything. That's not official yet, but I may be the podcast pastor, but you know, I don't want to say anything official, but.<br><br>Nothing's been confirmed. All right. Um, I am a sinner too. I'm not holier than thou, but. I literally, when people ask me what was the number one thing that got me through depression, I was raised in a Christian home. My, my, my grandmother, God bless her. She's going to be 94 in October. The only grandparent I have still alive, that woman.<br><br>And we, in our entire family say, I think the only reason we are still surviving and getting through shit is because of that woman's prayers. That woman keeps us in check and precious. Even met the pop and all that. She has trouble. She's amazing. Diehard Catholic. We all know someone like that. I was an Anglican because I prayed on my mom's side because my dad didn't go to church.<br><br>So even when I used to go to a Catholic church, my grandmother wouldn't let me take the wine and bread. It was like She's strict like that, right? Very traditional, but, um, so when, when I grew up church every Sunday, uh, Sunday school, uh, communio and all that, like I went through all that phase. So when I first left home to go to school.<br><br>I had the freedom. I was like, fuck church. You know, when you're right into something throughout that you don't have that desire to go. Yeah. Mom and dad, you wake me up on Sunday morning. Nobody's making me. I can sleep Saturday night because we're in college, right? We're turning up Sunday. We had nothing. I hung over.<br><br>Nobody got time. Sorry, God, but it's the truth. And you know, it's I'm just being real. So, um, Even though I still prayed, I had my Bible, but like going to church and practicing my faith like the right way, you know, um, but then when I started getting depressed, uh, I called my mom, me and my mom are not close.<br><br>I'm close to my dad. Even my dad was like, you called your mom before me? I'm like, there was something that I needed to call my mom. And I started crying and telling her, I think I'm depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me. And my mom was like, Paula. I really don't know how to help you from here, but one thing I know is pray.<br><br>God will lead you. And I literally started praying. And even until today, when I think of that moment, it's like a powerful moment. As I started praying, my heart, my heart felt very heavy and dark. But the more I kept praying, it felt like a light was. So, and that's why I started believing and praying and finding my own way back to God.<br><br>And this is why I also tell people don't force religion or God to anybody. I feel like everybody in their time will find their way back to God. But when you force people, because I grew up in a place where I was forced, that's why I ran away. Don't force you can tell people like I pray for people shout out to Alex and Philippe He sends me voicenotes praying for me.<br><br>Like I love it I send voicenotes praying to my friends like glitch and I don't just tell you i'm praying for you I will send a voicenote where i'm praying But will I force God on you? No. Will I pray for you? Yes. Will I talk how wonderful God was for me and how much he has helped me? Yes. But I won't force him to it because I believe everybody needs to find, and there will always be that one thing that will bring you back.<br><br>Right. Well, and you know what? Just like relationships, when people in a relationship, you can tell them as much, leave, leave, leave. They won't listen. They'll go back. But the day they leave is finally, they've had that one thing like. Fuck this shit. I'm done. No plan, no nothing out. So you always gotta let people in their moment in their time.<br><br>Well, and, and instead of the word force, what I like to say is people are told not taught. So we're not taught to desire or understand it. And, you know, I do have my podcast radiating faith where I preach. And one of the things I preach probably is exactly what you said. You need to have a individual relationship with God.<br><br>I don't, you know, I've really moved away from the church and a lot of traditional stuff. I was raised Catholic. I'm a lot more, I'm more non denominational or Christian now because. There's a lot of man made stuff, you know, human kind of stuff, tradition. And I, I believe in that individual relationship with God.<br><br>And most believers have never read the Bible. And the more I read it, the more I learn and understand and, and desire to know more. I've been studying ancient history and stuff. And so I always tell people, it's hard for me to talk to non believers who have never read the Bible, who judge it before they judge it based off the people.<br><br>And there's a lot of misrepresentation of what religion is. But The churches that we belong to, they decide to choose also what Bible verses work and what Bible verses doesn't. The pointing fingers, like I believe churches are supposed to be. welcoming. I don't care if they're gay or whatever, black, white.<br><br>A church is supposed to be a safe space for people to come and find God or find answers or whatever. But when you start pointing fingers or choosing the Bible say this and this, okay, but you're also doing another sin, which the Bible also say, don't do what you're doing, but you want to justify, push people.<br><br>So I think that's why people, Ended up having all these misconceptions and this and this instead of actually right going like I <br><br>need to get Paul on here for a couple episodes to talk about everything but you know To keep coming back maybe take over one day Well, yeah, so ladies and gentlemen, we we gotta go. Uh, so what we're gonna end it with is You know, you're, you're, you're biggest advocate for your own health and love. So make sure that you're fighting for your love and your health, uh, physical and mental, you know, take the time to heal and your story is powerful and you may not think it, Uh, but you never know the impact you'll have on someone else, so don't be afraid to share your story, uh, or be ashamed of it, you know, like Paula could have been ashamed of how depressed she was and never told anyone, and then those 10k people, and, and plus more on every day, you know, wouldn't have heard her story or her guest stories, and some of them could have changed lives, you know, I, I've seen entire lives changed by a single conversation.<br><br>That's all it takes is a single conversation or event to really change someone's life. So you never know if you're going to be that little event. So, so do that. So as Paula said, talk your, yeah. Yeah. Just start on that. Um, I had this story that I didn't even tell my dad but, I got, sexually abused when I was in college in Malaysia and, you know, I shut it down, I didn't want to talk about it. I avoided it. I pretended like it wasn't there. And I went on one of my friends podcasts and I said, I told her, I was like, when I'm ready to share, I'd like to come to your podcast and she gave me time.<br><br>And even when the time came, she asked me, she was like, if you're still not ready, you don't have to. And I was like, no, it's time. Cause something was telling me it's time, even though I really didn't want to share it. But I follow my instincts and I shared it. And that was the first time I literally shared that story out loud.<br><br>I was scared about that episode. I don't believe I even listened to that episode. But then I got a message, a DM from a girl, a long ass message where she went on about that. Cause she listened to that episode and she was a listener of hers, not mine, but she found me and she expressed now everything I was sharing.<br><br>That's what she was feeling and going through. And now she felt ashamed and embarrassed, but hearing my story and how my strength and where I am right now has given her hope that she can be better. She can, she can grow out of this and continue. And that shit. There's nothing amazing like hearing that shit, right?<br><br>Like, okay, I didn't want to share it, but I shared it and, and this one person got something out of it. It inspired her. It could have been other people also inspired, but they're just not, not ready or didn't want a message or whatever, but she messaged. And from that moment, It was like a wake up call that you gotta keep on sharing your story, the truth, because you never know how it's impacting somebody out there.<br><br>And ladies and gentlemen, to phrase it very neatly, because I discussed this on my episode about narcissism, love bombing, and gaslighting in relationships. Ms. Whiskey Lynn, that guest who, she was sharing her story, and she said, you know, it was a messy divorce and everything, but she said she has this motto, and I'm going to share it here, it really sums up everything we've been talking about. <br><br>Live out loud, so others don't die quietly. Recover out loud, so others don't die quietly. die quietly, you know, so ladies and gentlemen, we're out of time. Unfortunately, in the description below. Yeah. Yeah. In the description below, we're going to have all of Paula's information so you can check her out. But yeah, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.<br><br>And Paula, thank you so much for sharing all that. And I will be happy to come back anytime. I wish we had more. Well, technically I was supposed to come a little bit earlier. We had an issue with the VA. Of course. And that's why I say it happens. And we're going to talk about it. Yeah. <br><br><br></p>
